Why Leading By Example is So Important
Drenda Keesee • April 7, 2020
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words,”
but did you realize that was some of the best parenting advice you could ask for?
It’s true!
A mom called me distraught about her son. He had been out drinking, stopped attending church, and turned his back on God.
Through tears, she said, “I don’t understand how this happened! We raised him in church! What did we do wrong? Why is this happening to us?”
I comforted her and prayed with her for her son.
But what happened with her son?
She was right; they did attend church pretty regularly. That wasn't the problem. The problem was this woman and her husband said the right words on the weekend, but their ACTIONS preached a different message all week.
Which do you think had a bigger impact on their son?
Their son never saw them pursuing God or making Him a priority outside of Sunday morning. In fact, if sporting or social events came up, they were quick to take priority over church.
From her son’s perspective, God was just an optional weekend activity.
You can preach to your children every day about what they should or shouldn’t do, but the greatest influence on your children’s lives won’t be what they hear you SAY—it will be what they see you DO.
My daughter Kirsten used to work in preschool at our church on the weekends. When she got done, she would often tell me about the cute and funny things children said to her.
One day, she told me about how she was serving in the three-year-old class with another teacher when a child became unmanageable. He was going into fits of rage, falling on the floor screaming, trying to hit other children, and stealing their toys. They called his parents back to get him.
As they began to explain what happened to the parents, the father didn’t seem surprised or concerned at all. He not only made excuses for his son, but he gave him candy to make him happy!
The mom, who hadn’t said a word, timidly spoke up. “Well, he is acting very disobedient...”
Her husband started yelling, pointing his finger in his wife’s face, and told her not to talk about their son that way. He backed her into a corner, and continued to yell at her. The mother didn’t act as though any of it was an unusual occurrence.
Children reflect their home lives.
Your children don’t just need to hear you talking about God or what’s right and what’s wrong—they need to see an example of it in your life.
I can be a bit of a talker. Whenever I had something I wanted to instill into my children, my first instinct was to verbalize it in a million different ways until they got the point. The thing is, our children don’t act out what they hear, they act out what they see!
The best approach we can take in investing the right qualities into our children is to make sure we are modeling those qualities for them in ourselves.
Do you see the pattern?
Kids reenact what they see, not what they hear.
Of course, no one is a perfect parent. Thankfully, your children can learn from your mistakes as well.
There were many times when I fell short when my children were growing up. But when I messed up, I had to make the decision to use my mistakes as a learning opportunity for my children, and then I had to make the effort to do better moving forward.
Most importantly, your children need to see the evidence of God’s goodness in your life. They need to see your faith in action.
When Kirsten was younger, I asked her why she served God. She told me, “Growing up, it worked all the time. We lived by God’s Word. We always prayed. We always saw God come through. And that’s how I grew up. I never expected anything else.”
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If there’s something in your life communicating the wrong message to your children, today is the day to change it.
It’s true!
A mom called me distraught about her son. He had been out drinking, stopped attending church, and turned his back on God.
Through tears, she said, “I don’t understand how this happened! We raised him in church! What did we do wrong? Why is this happening to us?”
I comforted her and prayed with her for her son.
But what happened with her son?
She was right; they did attend church pretty regularly. That wasn't the problem. The problem was this woman and her husband said the right words on the weekend, but their ACTIONS preached a different message all week.
Which do you think had a bigger impact on their son?
Their son never saw them pursuing God or making Him a priority outside of Sunday morning. In fact, if sporting or social events came up, they were quick to take priority over church.
From her son’s perspective, God was just an optional weekend activity.
You can preach to your children every day about what they should or shouldn’t do, but the greatest influence on your children’s lives won’t be what they hear you SAY—it will be what they see you DO.
“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
—Brennan Manning
My daughter Kirsten used to work in preschool at our church on the weekends. When she got done, she would often tell me about the cute and funny things children said to her.
One day, she told me about how she was serving in the three-year-old class with another teacher when a child became unmanageable. He was going into fits of rage, falling on the floor screaming, trying to hit other children, and stealing their toys. They called his parents back to get him.
As they began to explain what happened to the parents, the father didn’t seem surprised or concerned at all. He not only made excuses for his son, but he gave him candy to make him happy!
The mom, who hadn’t said a word, timidly spoke up. “Well, he is acting very disobedient...”
Her husband started yelling, pointing his finger in his wife’s face, and told her not to talk about their son that way. He backed her into a corner, and continued to yell at her. The mother didn’t act as though any of it was an unusual occurrence.
Suddenly, the little boy’s actions made complete sense to my daughter and the other teacher.
He was only acting out the behavior he had seen modeled for him by his father.
Children reflect their home lives.
Your children don’t just need to hear you talking about God or what’s right and what’s wrong—they need to see an example of it in your life.
I can be a bit of a talker. Whenever I had something I wanted to instill into my children, my first instinct was to verbalize it in a million different ways until they got the point. The thing is, our children don’t act out what they hear, they act out what they see!
The best approach we can take in investing the right qualities into our children is to make sure we are modeling those qualities for them in ourselves.
If you want to instill the importance of honoring God and being in community with other believers by attending church, you need to make church a priority over everything else on the weekends, including sporting or social events.
If you want your children to have a relationship with God that extends beyond church on Sunday, then you need to model a relationship with God that extends beyond Sunday in your own life.
If you want your children to spend less time on their phones, then you have to spend less time on your phone.
Do you see the pattern?
Kids reenact what they see, not what they hear.
Of course, no one is a perfect parent. Thankfully, your children can learn from your mistakes as well.
There were many times when I fell short when my children were growing up. But when I messed up, I had to make the decision to use my mistakes as a learning opportunity for my children, and then I had to make the effort to do better moving forward.
Most importantly, your children need to see the evidence of God’s goodness in your life. They need to see your faith in action.
When Kirsten was younger, I asked her why she served God. She told me, “Growing up, it worked all the time. We lived by God’s Word. We always prayed. We always saw God come through. And that’s how I grew up. I never expected anything else.”
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If there’s something in your life communicating the wrong message to your children, today is the day to change it.
Lead by example.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In a world that has traded the ability to mentor children God’s way for a world of distractions and instant gratification, we need real answers to the struggles we face as parents.
Get your copy of The New Vintage Family: A Vintage Look for the Modern-Day Family, and learn to use the four pillars of family to effectively communicate, and to fit the pieces of family mentorship, business, and home life together for success!
Reading Time 3 mins 42 secs – When most people hear the word success, they picture a number in a bank account, a title on a door, or applause from a crowd. Those things aren’t wrong, but they’re not the whole story. Kingdom success is the fruit of living aligned with God’s presence, God’s purpose, and God’s principles. It’s success that sticks in your family, your finances, your calling, and your soul. What God Calls “Success” The Bible defines success as prospering in what God has assigned you to do. Joshua was told to keep God’s Word front and center. You shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. —Joshua 1:8b (NIV) Success begins with alignment, not achievement. When your ways line up with His ways, outcomes change. Success Grows Where Purpose Lives You weren’t designed to drift; you were designed to steward. Deuteronomy 8:18 says God gives you the power to create wealth—not so you can worship wealth but so you can build, bless, and advance His Kingdom. Purpose answers why you’re pursuing something. When your why is right, God can trust you with more. Ask yourself: What problem has God wired me to solve? Who gets helped when I win? How does this goal move God’s purpose forward? Three Pillars of Kingdom Success Presence – Success starts by seeking God first (Matthew 6:33). In His presence, you get clarity, courage, and correction. Purpose – Your assignment sets the target. Aimless motion is not momentum. Practice – Faith works when you work the principles. Plan, sow, and act; God multiplies. Principles That Produce God’s system isn’t random. There’s a time to plant seeds and a time to harvest. If you plant the right seeds consistently, a harvest is inevitable. In Proverbs 16:3, we’re reminded to commit whatever we do to the Lord, and He will establish our plans. Think like a steward and ask, “What have I been given?”(such as time, gifts, relationships, and ideas). Manage them with excellence. Choose excellence daily and do your work heartily as for the Lord, because excellence attracts opportunity. Prioritize wisdom by reading, learning, and surrounding yourself with people who sharpen you. Guard your words; there’s power in the words you speak, so take time to intentionally speak truth. Speak words that are in line with God’s promise rather than with fear. In Luke 16:10, we’re reminded to take faith steps, because small obedient steps multiply, and the servant that is faithful with little can be trusted with much. Break the Success Killers Break the success killers by refusing comparison, which steals both joy and peace. Instead, stay focused on running your own race and celebrating progress over perfection. Avoid hurrying, because quick fixes create fragile results, while patience and process create durable success. Replace excuses like “I can’t” with the empowering mindset of “How can I, with God’s help?” Finally, reject isolation, because lone wolf living limits growth, while community, mentors, and partners in purpose accelerate you. When you consistently choose these healthier patterns, you build the resilience and clarity needed to sustain long-term success. A Weekly Success Rhythm Seek (Daily): 10–15 minutes in the Word and prayer to align your heart and hear strategy. Plan (Weekly): Review your goals and priorities to ensure alignment. Decide your top three Kingdom outcomes for the week. Sow (Consistently): Give, serve, and invest in your skills. Measure (Weekly): What moved forward? What needs adjusting? Celebrate progress, then iterate. Rest (Sabbath): Rest is not wasted time; it’s faith in action . When Progress Feels Slow Psalm 1 paints a picture: a person planted by streams, bearing fruit in season . Not every day looks like a harvest day. Some days are root days. Stay planted. Keep sowing. Harvests have a schedule, and God is never late. A Simple Prayer Father, thank You for calling me to succeed Your way. Align my heart with Your presence, clarify my purpose, and teach me to practice Your principles with diligence and joy. I commit my plans to You. Give me wisdom, clarity, and strength to steward what You’ve placed in my hands. Use my success to bless others and advance Your Kingdom. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen. Carry This with You Success in the Kingdom isn’t a finish line; it’s a faithful life . Start where you are. Work with what you have. Obey what God says. Expect His favor. As you align with His presence, purpose, and principles, you’ll see results that last, results that outlive you, and point people to Him.
Reading Time 2 mins 56 secs – Take a moment and think about this: faith isn’t just for the mountaintop moments. It’s for Mondays. It’s for traffic jams, unexpected bills, and the times when you’re just trying to get through the week. God never designed faith to be complicated or out of reach. He designed it to be your everyday operating system. Faith Is for Today Sometimes, we picture faith as something we have to “muster up” for significant challenges, like praying for healing, believing for a miracle, or asking for a breakthrough in a crisis. And while faith absolutely applies to those moments, it’s also for the little ones. Faith is choosing to trust God with your attitude in a tough conversation. Faith is deciding to believe He’ll provide, even when your budget looks thin. Faith is remembering you’re never alone, even when you feel overlooked. Second Corinthians 5:7 (NIV) says, “ For we live by faith, not by sight. ” Notice it doesn’t say “visit by faith” or “use faith once in a while.” It says live. Faith was always meant to be your way of life. Small Steps, Strong Roots Faith doesn’t usually grow in leaps; it grows in steps. Little, steady decisions that put your trust in God day after day. Opening your Bible instead of scrolling on your phone first thing in the morning Speaking truth over yourself when your feelings want to run the show Praying before making a decision instead of relying only on logic These may not seem dramatic, but they lay a strong foundation. And just like a tree with deep roots, your faith will keep you standing strong when storms come. God Is Faithful, Even When Life Isn’t Here’s the best part: your faith doesn’t rest on your ability to figure everything out. It rests on God’s ability to be faithful. And He is. Always. When you feel shaky, remember this: God is steady. When you feel uncertain, remember this: His promises are sure. When you feel small, remember this: faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. You don’t need giant faith for God to move. You just need real faith in a giant God. Faith That Shows Up in Action Faith isn’t just belief in your heart; it’s trust that shows up in your choices. James 2:17 says, faith without works is dead, which means faith comes alive when you act on it. That could look like forgiving when it’s hard, giving when it feels impossible, or stepping into an opportunity that scares you, but you know God is calling you to. Every time you take action in faith, you’re making a declaration: “God, I trust You more than my feelings, more than my circumstances, and more than what I see.” That kind of faith not only changes your life, but it also inspires others to believe. A Simple Prayer to Start With “Lord, thank You that faith isn’t complicated. Teach me to live by faith in the small things and the big things. I trust You with my today, my tomorrow, and every detail of my life. Strengthen my heart and remind me that You are faithful. In Jesus’s name, amen.” Take This with You Faith isn’t a moment. It’s a mindset. It’s not about pretending life is easy. It’s about trusting God, no matter what life looks like. Friend, you don’t need to wait for a crisis to practice faith. You can start today, right where you are, with whatever you’re carrying. Take a step. Speak His Word. Trust His heart. Because faith isn’t just for the extraordinary, it’s for the everyday. And your everyday is exactly where God loves to show up.
Reading Time 2 mins 49 secs – Okay, let’s take a breath. Not everything has to be heavy, and healing doesn’t have to feel impossible or mysterious. Sometimes, we just need to be reminded that God actually wants us to feel better. Yes, you included. God Cares About How You Feel We can get so used to pushing through that we forget God never designed us to live burned out, worn out, or always dealing with pain. Third John (NIV) 1:2b says, “ I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well .” God’s heart is not just that we survive life. His heart is that we thrive—spirit, soul, and body. That includes your sleep. That includes your energy. That includes your mind and your moods. Healing Isn’t Just for Emergencies Most of us wait to think about healing until something significant goes wrong. A diagnosis. A surgery. A crisis. However, healing is an integral part of your daily life as a believer. You don’t have to wait for something to fall apart to lean into God’s promises. It’s kind of like drinking water; your body needs it regularly, not just when you're dehydrated. The Word is the same. It brings strength, clarity, and peace to your health before the storm hits. You’re allowed to believe in a life where you’re not constantly recovering—you’re well. Small Shifts, Big Results Maybe you’ve been dealing with something for a while—nothing catastrophic, just something that lingers. A chronic ache. Fatigue. Brain fog. A stress habit that’s hard to shake. Can I encourage you? You don’t have to settle for “just getting by.” Start speaking life over your body. Make simple changes in faith; walk a little more, drink more water, eat a bit better, get quiet with God. Healing isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes, it happens gently. Daily. Gradually. The power of God isn’t always loud, but it’s always effective. The Best Kind of Doctor He doesn’t rush your appointment. He’s never stumped by your symptoms. And He doesn’t hand you a bill at the end. He simply says, “Come to Me.” Come tired. Come unsure. Come with your questions. And He’ll give you rest (Matthew 11:28). Yes, He heals in big, miraculous ways—but He also heals in little moments of laughter, sunlight, worship, and truth. Let’s Make This Simple Healing isn’t about performance. It’s about proximity—staying close to the Healer. So, take the pressure off today. You’re not failing if you’re still waiting. You’re not disqualified if you’ve had some doubts. You’re growing. You’re learning. And most of all, you’re loved. Let healing be a conversation you have with God, not a crisis you fear. Let it be part of your everyday life with Him, not just a 911 prayer when things feel scary. A Simple Prayer to Start With “Lord, thank You that You care about every part of me. You know when I’m tired, hurting, anxious, or overwhelmed. Thank You for being my Healer, not just in emergencies but in the everyday. I receive Your peace and Your promises. I speak life over my body and my mind today, in Jesus’s name. Amen.” Take This with You Healing doesn’t have to feel far away or hard to reach. It’s not reserved for the super spiritual or the desperate. It’s available, it’s real, and it’s for right now. You don’t have to make it complicated. Just take one step. Open the Word, talk to God, speak life over yourself, and trust that He’s working behind the scenes. You don’t have to live in survival mode. You were made for wholeness. And friend? You’re allowed to feel better.