Your Spouse Feeling Like Your Enemy? 13 Surefire Ways to Build Unity.

Reading Time 4 mins 26 secs –

By Drenda Keesee

“I’m so tired of picking up your laundry!”

“You overspent again!”

“You never make time for me!”

How many times have you said something like that to your spouse? Or wanted to say something like that to them?

How often do you allow yourself to get into a pattern of bickering with your spouse over things like money, household responsibilities, how often you talk to your mother (yes, I wrote that), how often you have sex (yes, I wrote that too), or other issues?

If you’ve ever fallen into a pattern of bickering with your spouse, you know how easy it is to stay there.

And that’s just what the enemy wants.

Because he knows that if he can keep you fighting over the dirty laundry, who’s on bath duty, who spends more money, or anything else, then he can keep you out of unity and away from your inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

The enemy’s greatest goal is to divide and conquer; and too often, we let him into our marriages.

Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our fight is not against human enemies but against the rulers of the darkness of this world.

Why do we forget that? Why are we willing to practically wage war with the person we’re supposed to love the most over the most insignificant things?

Are the petty things like him not emptying the trash or her buying that extra pair of earrings really worth you missing out on the promises of God? No!

So, how do you stop looking at your spouse as your enemy and build unity in your marriage? Here are my top 13 tips:

1. Make sure there’s no sin in your life. 

Sin destroys unity—not just between you and your spouse but between you and God. Confess it, and eliminate it from your life.

2. Don’t compare yourself or your spouse to others. 

No couple is perfect, and no person is perfect. Don’t be deceived into believing the grass is greener anywhere else. Remember, you only see people’s public faces, not their private struggles.

3. Focus on the positive in your spouse. 

We ALL have faults. Sadly, it’s human nature to hide our own faults but to point out the weaknesses in others. God sees both you and your spouse as valuable. Try looking at your spouse the same way. Find positive things to focus on and things to be grateful for.

4. Pay attention to what you’re saying. 

Use your words to build up, not tear down. Your words are seeds that will produce fruit. Don’t say things like, “You never…” or “You always….” Realize how much power your words have to build unity in your marriage or destroy it.

5. Pray together.

If you’ve never prayed together, or if it’s been awhile, it WILL be awkward and uncomfortable. Do it anyway.

6. Learn more about the differences between you and your spouse as a man and a woman. 

It’s not hard to see that we communicate differently. The more you understand that, and work on it, the less communication breakdowns will occur in your marriage.

7. Squash selfishness.

Really think about whether you’re placing your needs over those of your spouse. Selfishness can easily squash any hopes of unity. Squash it first.

8. Forgive.

Holding onto an offense or hurt does nothing to help you. It only turns into bitterness. I love this quote from Ruth Bell Graham: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

9. Apologize.

Say you’re sorry first. Being too prideful to admit when you’re wrong only builds walls of separation in your relationship.

10. Work at being a good friend.

This is a big one. All too often, we work more at being a good friend to our friends, but we stink at being a good friend to our spouse. Change that. Figure out your spouse’s love language and communicate it. Make plans to do something fun together. Be the friend to your spouse that you want him/her to be to you.

11. Set goals together and accomplish them as a team.

Many of us show ourselves as valuable team members at work, in class, and in sports, but we’d be downright embarrassed if those same people saw how we work (or don’t work) together with our spouses. Change!

12. Have sex!

It’s sad that I even need to include this, but it’s an issue that impacts the unity of so many marriages! Remember that the marriage bed is the healing oil that makes the two one flesh.

13. Commit, or recommit, your marriage to God.

Last, but definitely not least, this is the most important tip. God can help you recognize when your marriage is under attack, free you from any insecurities or failures that are preventing you from being one in your relationship, and give you an understanding of His design for marriage.

Marriage isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. There will be bumps in the road. There will be times when all you want to do is give up. But as someone who has been married for more than 41 years, I can tell you that working through your differences and fighting for your marriage is well worth the effort.

The reward is so much greater than the struggles.

Make the decision to apply these tips to your marriage regardless of whether your spouse reciprocates or is accepting of the change in you. It’s YOUR actions that will win his/her heart over.

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When Your Faith Feels Weak

By Gary Keesee • May 18, 2026

Reading Time 5 mins 08 secs – Faith does not usually disappear all at once. It happens slowly. A little distraction here. A little neglect there. A few days without feeding on the Word of God. A few moments of fear left unchecked. Before long, you may still remember what faith felt like, but you are no longer living from that place. That is what spiritual atrophy looks like. In the natural, muscles weaken when they are not used. You may remember being strong. You may remember what you used to carry or accomplish. But when the moment comes to use that strength again, you realize something has changed. The same thing can happen spiritually. You can remember the Scriptures. You can remember past victories. You can know the right things to say. But faith is more than repeating words. Faith is agreement with heaven. More Than Saying the Right Words Jesus said in Mark 11:23 that whoever speaks to the mountain and does not doubt in his heart will have what he says. The issue is not only what comes out of your mouth. The issue is also what your heart truly believes. Many people say, “My faith is weak.” But often, the real issue is unbelief. Jesus said faith as small as a mustard seed can move a mountain (Matthew 17:20). That means the problem is not the size of your faith. If faith is present, heaven has jurisdiction. Faith is not pretending everything is fine while fear still dominates your thinking. True faith is becoming so persuaded by God’s Word that His truth feels more real than the circumstance standing in front of you. The question is this: Are you in agreement with God’s Word? Or has fear, disappointment, or a past failure painted a different picture inside of you? The Enemy Works Through Pictures Fear always tries to create an image. A bad report. A painful memory. A failed attempt. A worst-case scenario. The enemy wants you to meditate on what could go wrong until fear feels more real than God’s promise. But every promise from God carries a picture too. Healing carries a picture. Provision carries a picture. Peace carries a picture. Victory carries a picture. If the picture inside you does not match what heaven says, your thinking has to be renewed. That only happens through the Word of God. Build Your Foundation Before the Storm Jesus said the wise man built his house on the rock. When the storm came, the house stood firm because it had a foundation. The storm is not the time to begin building. Do not wait until sickness comes to search for healing Scriptures. Do not wait until pressure hits your finances to learn how God’s Kingdom works. Build now. Meditate on the Word now. Mark 4 teaches us that the Word is seed. When it is planted in your heart, it grows over time. First the stalk, then the head, then the full grain. Faith grows the same way. As you continue feeding on truth, what God says becomes more real than what circumstances say. What Comes Out First Reveals Your Foundation When pressure suddenly hits, the first words out of your mouth often reveal what you truly believe. Fear speaks quickly. But faith speaks with authority. If fear has been leading your thoughts lately, do not live condemned. Recognize where you are and go back to the Word. Strengthen what has grown weak. Let truth become alive inside you again. Because when you are fully persuaded, you stop wrestling with whether God will do what He promised. You simply stand. You Can Start Fresh Today God’s mercies are new every morning. That means yesterday does not have the final word over your life. You are not trapped by past failures, past disappointments, or seasons where you felt spiritually dry. God is not asking you to live off old victories or old encounters with Him. He invites you to walk with Him daily, to be renewed daily, and to grow stronger daily. You are not stuck in spiritual weakness. Faith can be rebuilt. Strength can return. Your confidence in God can grow again. The same way muscles strengthen through consistent exercise and nourishment, your spirit becomes strong when it is continually fed with truth. Every moment spent in God’s Word is building something inside of you. Even when you cannot immediately see it, the seed is growing. You can renew your mind. You can rebuild your foundation. You can feed your spirit until faith rises again and God’s promises become more real to you than fear, pressure, or uncertainty. The enemy may look for an opportune time, but you do not have to live vulnerable or unprepared. When your life is built on the Word, you are not easily shaken by bad reports, changing circumstances, or unexpected pressure. You know where your confidence comes from. Build your life on truth. Stay spiritually nourished. Guard what you allow into your heart and mind. Listen to the Holy Spirit, and follow His direction day by day. And when pressure comes, you will not collapse under it. You will stand firm, anchored in the promises of God and confident that He is faithful to finish what He started in you. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You for Your Word and for teaching me how Your Kingdom operates. Show me where fear, unbelief, or wrong thinking has taken root in my heart. Help me renew my mind and become fully persuaded of Your promises. Strengthen my faith, guide me by Your Spirit, and teach me to stand firmly on Your truth. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.

You Were Created to Live Free From Fear

By Gary Keesee • April 8, 2026

Reading Time 4 mins 25 secs – Fear feels real. It talks loudly. It paints pictures. It rehearses worst-case scenarios. And if you do not know how to stop it, it will try to script your future before you ever get there. But fear is not truth. Fear is not fact. And through God’s Word, you can live free from it. Scripture says plainly, “ Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me” (Psalm 23:4a, NIV). Notice that carefully. It does not say fear is unavoidable. It does not say anxiety is your permanent condition. It does not say torment is part of your identity. It says, I will fear no evil. That means freedom from fear is possible. Fear Works Through Images Fear often begins with a thought, but it does not stop there. It immediately tries to form a picture. The doctor says something concerning, and fear paints the ending. The bank account drops, and fear paints the ending. A symptom shows up, and fear paints the ending. A problem hits your family, and fear paints the ending. That is how the enemy works. He presents an image and tries to convince you it is reality. But just because something enters your mind does not mean it is true. Fear is an imagination. It is an illusion. It may feel convincing, but that does not make it a fact. The enemy wants you to meditate on what could go wrong. God calls you to stand on what He said. The Real Battle Is at the Root Fear is often treated like the main problem. But fear is really a symptom. Like a fever in the body, it points to something deeper that needs attention. The deeper issue is what you believe. If fear keeps dominating your thoughts, then somewhere a lie has been accepted as truth. That is why the answer is not just trying harder to calm down. The answer is renewing your mind. You must identify the lie. Then you must replace it with truth. Second Corinthians 10:5 reminds us that we are to cast down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. That means you do not let fearful thoughts sit in your mind and build a home there. You reject them. You replace them. You do not fight fear by admiring it, analyzing it, or entertaining it. You fight fear by confronting it with truth. What You Are Anchored to Matters Life will always present moments that seem dangerous, uncertain, or impossible. The question is not whether you will face pressure. The question is what you are anchored to when pressure comes. If your confidence is anchored to circumstances, you will always feel unstable. Circumstances change. Reports change. Emotions change. But God’s Word does not change. Truth can hold you. Just as a climber trusts the anchor that keeps him from falling, you must learn to trust the promises of God more than the pictures fear is trying to show you. When your life is anchored to truth, fear loses its power to dominate your thinking. Renewing Your Mind Changes What Feels Possible There was a time when many things people now accept with confidence would have seemed impossible. Flight looked impossible. Certain athletic feats looked impossible. What changed? Knowledge. Training. Repetition. Confidence in a higher law. In the same way, many believers still live under the assumption that fear is normal, fear is wise, fear is protective, or fear is just part of life. But God’s Kingdom operates differently. In Romans 12:2a (NIV), it says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Transformation does not happen by accident. It happens when you retrain your thinking with truth. The world trains people to expect loss, danger, failure, sickness, and defeat. God trains His people to expect His faithfulness, His promises, His strength, and His victory. If you keep feeding on fear, fear will feel natural. If you feed on truth, freedom will become normal. You Must Replace the Picture You cannot simply tell yourself not to think about something. You must replace the wrong picture with the right one. If fear says, “This will destroy you,” answer with what God says. If fear says, “You are going under,” answer with what God says. If fear says, “You will never recover,” answer with what God says. Truth is the antidote. When God promises healing, provision, peace, protection, and victory, those promises carry pictures. They are meant to shape your imagination. Too many people meditate on everything that can go wrong. But faith grows when you meditate on what God has already said in His Word. The enemy wants your imagination captured by fear. God wants your imagination renewed by truth. Your Future Does Not Belong to Fear Many people have lived so long under fear that they assume it will always define them. It will not. You can be free. Your life does not have to be governed by fear of sickness. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of lack. Fear of loss. Fear of the future. God did not create you to live tormented. He created you to live in His Kingdom, under His rule, with His peace, and in the confidence of His promises. The future belongs to those who believe what God says more than what fear suggests. So, start again. Open your Bible. Find out who you really are. Train your mind in truth. Reject the lie. Hold onto His promises. And refuse to let fear write a story God never wrote for you. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You for not giving me a spirit of fear. Thank You for giving me power, love, and a sound mind. Help me recognize every lie the enemy tries to plant in my thoughts. Teach me to renew my mind with Your Word and to reject every imagination that rises against the truth of who You are and who I am in Christ. Strengthen me to stand on Your promises, speak with authority, and live in the freedom You have given me. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.

Choose Your Circle, Choose Your Future

By Gary Keesee • March 12, 2026

Reading Time 4 mins 40 secs – If you want to see your future, take a look at your friends. Scripture says plainly, “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33, NIV). That’s not a suggestion. That’s a warning. And the deception is thinking your good character will automatically change the people around you. Sometimes it can. But often, it’s the other way around. Who speaks into your life matters. Who challenges you matters. Who flatters you matters. Who you follow matters. All of it shapes where you end up. The Deception About Influence Many people fall into what’s called false responsibility. They want someone else’s success more than that person wants it for themselves. They believe they can fix, carry, or rescue someone who isn’t willing to change. You must understand something clearly: God sends people, and the enemy sends people. Not every opportunity is from God. Not every relationship is divinely aligned. One of the clearest warning signs is constant flattery. When someone continually builds you up without ever challenging you, pay attention. Flattery often hides motive. That’s why you must judge your friendships carefully. Fear Is Contagious, and So Is Courage Before Israel went into battle, Moses gave a striking instruction: if someone was afraid or faint-hearted, send them home. Why? Because fear spreads. Fear talks. Doubt talks. Unbelief talks. But courage talks too. Faith talks too. Vision talks too. The people around you will either magnify the obstacle or magnify the promise. They will either rehearse what could go wrong or remind you what God said. Choose wisely. Proof That Who You Follow Changes You After David defeated Goliath, King Saul pursued him. David escaped to a cave. Not a palace, not a resort—a cave. And 400 men followed him. The Bible describes them as distressed, in debt, and discontented. That doesn’t sound like leadership material. But something changed. Those same men became David’s mighty men of valor. They performed exploits. They accumulated wealth. They became strong, disciplined warriors. What happened? They followed someone who carried covenant confidence. They followed faith instead of fear. And they were transformed. Who you follow will change you, either for good or for worse. The Cost of the Wrong Circle You don’t have to make the wrong decision yourself to feel the consequences of being in the wrong environment. Association carries weight. When you attach yourself to people who are reckless, careless, or spiritually drifting, their choices begin to affect your direction. Influence is subtle at first. It doesn’t feel dangerous. It feels normal. Comfortable. Accepted. But over time, conversations shape thinking. Thinking shapes decisions. Decisions shape outcomes. That’s why Scripture says not to be deceived. The drift rarely feels dramatic in the beginning. It feels gradual. You may never intend to compromise your standards. You may never plan to move away from your convictions. But proximity has power. What you tolerate eventually influences what you participate in. This is not about isolation. It’s about discernment. You can love everyone. You can minister to anyone. But you must be wise about who has consistent access to your life. Because you don’t have to commit the act to feel the consequence of the association. Choose your circle carefully. Not Everyone Qualifies for Close Access There are people you minister to. There are people you love. There are people you encourage. But not everyone qualifies to be your close companion. Ezra warned Israel not to make treaties of friendship with those whose practices would corrupt them. The principle still applies: don’t make agreements with influences that pull you away from God. There are relationships you need to: Increase Maintain Or discontinue And you must discern which is which. The righteous choose their friends carefully. What Healthy Friendship Looks Like The right people in your life will: Encourage your walk with God Strengthen your faith Uphold your marriage and family Believe in you Challenge you past your comfort zone Correct you when you’re wrong A true friend will tell you the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. An enemy flatters. A friend sharpens. If no one in your life can correct you, you’re vulnerable. Hold Unswervingly Hebrews instructs us to hold unswervingly to the hope we profess and to encourage one another toward love and good deeds. “Unswervingly” means steady. Unwavering. Not drifting. The right friendships help you stay steady. The wrong ones slowly pull you off course, usually so gradually you don’t notice until you’re far from where you intended to be. Make a decision: as for you and your house, you will serve the Lord. And build your circle around that decision. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You for guiding my steps and ordering my relationships. Give me wisdom to choose my circle carefully. Help me discern the voices that strengthen my faith and the ones that pull me away. Surround me with people who challenge me, correct me, and encourage me to follow You fully. Give me courage to walk away from anything that hinders my walk with You. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.