Your Spouse Feeling Like Your Enemy? 13 Surefire Ways to Build Unity.

Drenda Keesee • July 10, 2024

Reading Time 4 mins 26 secs –


By Drenda Keesee



“I’m so tired of picking up your laundry!”


“You overspent again!”


“You never make time for me!”


How many times have you said something like that to your spouse?
Or wanted to say something like that to them?


How often do you allow yourself to get into a pattern of bickering with your spouse over things like money, household responsibilities, how often you talk to your mother (yes, I wrote that), how often you have sex (yes, I wrote that too), or other issues?


If you’ve ever fallen into a pattern of bickering with your spouse, you know how easy it is to stay there.


And that’s just what the enemy wants.


Because he knows that if he can keep you fighting over the dirty laundry, who’s on bath duty, who spends more money, or anything else, then he can keep you out of unity and away from your inheritance in the Kingdom of God.


The enemy’s greatest goal is to divide and conquer; and too often, we let him into our marriages.


Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our fight is not against human enemies but against the rulers of the darkness of this world.


Why do we forget that? Why are we willing to practically wage war with the person we’re supposed to love the most over the most insignificant things?


Are the petty things like him not emptying the trash or her buying that extra pair of earrings really worth you missing out on the promises of God? No!


So, how do you stop looking at your spouse as your enemy and build unity in your marriage? Here are my top 13 tips:


1. Make sure there’s no sin in your life.


Sin destroys unity—not just between you and your spouse but between you and God. Confess it, and eliminate it from your life.


2. Don’t compare yourself or your spouse to others.


No couple is perfect, and no person is perfect. Don’t be deceived into believing the grass is greener anywhere else. Remember, you only see people’s public faces, not their private struggles.


3. Focus on the positive in your spouse.


We ALL have faults. Sadly, it’s human nature to hide our own faults but to point out the weaknesses in others. God sees both you and your spouse as valuable. Try looking at your spouse the same way. Find positive things to focus on and things to be grateful for.


4. Pay attention to what you’re saying.


Use your words to build up, not tear down. Your words are seeds that will produce fruit. Don’t say things like, “You never…” or “You always….” Realize how much power your words have to build unity in your marriage or destroy it.


5. Pray together.

If you’ve never prayed together, or if it’s been awhile, it WILL be awkward and uncomfortable. Do it anyway.


6. Learn more about the differences between you and your spouse as a man and a woman.


It’s not hard to see that we communicate differently. The more you understand that, and work on it, the less communication breakdowns will occur in your marriage.


7. Squash selfishness.

Really think about whether you’re placing your needs over those of your spouse. Selfishness can easily squash any hopes of unity. Squash it first.


8. Forgive.

Holding onto an offense or hurt does nothing to help you. It only turns into bitterness. I love this quote from Ruth Bell Graham: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”


9. Apologize.

Say you’re sorry first. Being too prideful to admit when you’re wrong only builds walls of separation in your relationship.


10. Work at being a good friend.

This is a big one. All too often, we work more at being a good friend to our friends, but we stink at being a good friend to our spouse. Change that. Figure out your spouse’s love language and communicate it. Make plans to do something fun together. Be the friend to your spouse that you want him/her to be to you.


11. Set goals together and accomplish them as a team.

Many of us show ourselves as valuable team members at work, in class, and in sports, but we’d be downright embarrassed if those same people saw how we work (or don’t work) together with our spouses. Change!


12. Have sex!

It’s sad that I even need to include this, but it’s an issue that impacts the unity of so many marriages! Remember that the marriage bed is the healing oil that makes the two one flesh.


13. Commit, or recommit, your marriage to God.

Last, but definitely not least, this is the most important tip. God can help you recognize when your marriage is under attack, free you from any insecurities or failures that are preventing you from being one in your relationship, and give you an understanding of His design for marriage.


Marriage isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. There will be bumps in the road. There will be times when all you want to do is give up. But as someone who has been married for more than 41 years, I can tell you that working through your differences and fighting for your marriage is well worth the effort.


The reward is so much greater than the struggles.


Make the decision to apply these tips to your marriage regardless of whether your spouse reciprocates or is accepting of the change in you. It’s YOUR actions that will win his/her heart over.

Faith Walks Before It Sees

By Gary Keesee • July 14, 2025
Reading Time 3 mins 46 secs – Picture this. You’re standing at the edge of a foggy path that winds through a forest. You’ve never walked this path before. You can’t see more than a few feet ahead. There are no signs. No map. No flashlight. Just a still, quiet voice inside telling you to start walking. Would you? Most people wouldn’t. They’d wait until the fog clears. Until the way is visible. Until they feel “sure.” But that’s not how the Kingdom works. Friend, faith walks before it sees. Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) tells us this plainly: Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Not what we can see. Not what we understand. Not what’s guaranteed. Faith is walking when it feels like you’re walking blind, but you’re actually walking guided. Let’s talk about Abraham for a second. God said to him, “...Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you” (Genesis 12:1, NIV). God didn’t show Abraham the land first. He didn’t explain all the details. He didn’t promise a step-by-step plan. God simply said, “ Go, ” and Abraham went. He didn’t argue. He didn’t delay. He didn’t ask for the weather report or route details. He trusted the voice. He walked before he saw. And because of that one step, a generational promise was unlocked. Now, let’s fast forward to the New Testament, to the story found in Matthew 14. Jesus came walking on water in the middle of the night, and Peter saw Him. Peter said, “Lord, if it’s really You, tell me to come.” And Jesus said, “Come.” What did Peter do? He stepped out of the boat and onto the water. Pause and think about that. Peter walked on water—not because he had magic in his feet but because he trusted the One who called him forward. Peter walked before he saw. Yes, he started to sink when he looked at the waves, but before that, he did what no other human besides Jesus had done: he walked on water by faith. Friend, your boat might feel safer. It might feel familiar. But if God is calling you out of it, staying there is more dangerous than stepping forward. Let’s get real for a second. There are seasons when God will not show you the full picture, on purpose. Why? Because if He showed you everything, you’d try to control it instead of trusting Him with it. Faith is trusting His character when you can’t see His hand. It’s saying yes without having every answer. It’s building the ark before the rain comes. It’s marching around Jericho before the walls fall. It’s digging a ditch before there’s a drop of rain. That’s the Kingdom. Here’s what the Bible says: “For we live by faith, not by sight,” (2 Corinthians 5:7, NIV). That’s not a metaphor. That’s a lifestyle. You don’t wait until all your fear is gone to obey. You don’t wait until you’re certain to trust. It means you don’t wait until your finances line up perfectly to give. You walk before you see. Let’s look at one more example. In Acts 9, Saul, who later became Paul, was traveling to Damascus while persecuting Christians when, suddenly, a blinding light stopped him. Jesus spoke directly to him, and Saul was blinded. God then instructed a man named Ananias to go and pray for Saul and restore his sight. Ananias was hesitant because he knew Saul’s reputation for harming believers. Despite his doubts and without any guarantees, Ananias obeyed and went to Saul. He stepped out in faith before knowing the outcome. That single act of obedience set the stage for Paul’s powerful ministry and the writing of much of the New Testament. So, let me ask you… Where is God asking you to walk, before you see? To step into a calling that scares you? To give up something you’ve leaned on for security? To trust Him with your finances? To forgive someone you haven’t gotten an apology from? Whatever it is, I want you to hear this. You don’t have to see the outcome to take the next step. You don’t have to understand the entire path to move forward in obedience. Faith walks before it sees. That’s where the miracles are. That’s where the provision is. That’s where peace is waiting. Your comfort zone won’t get you there. But your obedience will. God doesn’t need your full understanding. He needs your full surrender. So today, let this be your reminder… You don’t have to feel brave. You just have to follow. Even in the fog. Even in the unknown. Even when it doesn’t make sense. Because God is already in the place He’s calling you to. He’s gone ahead. He’s prepared the way. He’s waiting at your next step. So, take it. Because faith? It always walks before it sees.

People Don’t Know Who They Really Are

By Gary Keesee • June 2, 2025
Reading Time 4 mins 58 secs – Friend, I’ve been thinking a lot about identity lately. So many people are walking around without a clue about who they really are. They’re trying to find their identity in the world’s system, in what other people think, in how they look, in what they own—and they’re completely missing the revelation of who God created them to be. You Were Created with Intent Let me tell you something powerful: you are not here by accident! Before you were created in your mother’s womb, God knew you. He created you with intent, just like he did with Jeremiah. The word of the Lord came to me saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” —Jeremiah 1:4–5 (NIV) Now, I believe this isn’t just about Jeremiah. I believe every single person was created with intent by God. He designed you specifically with your uniqueness in mind. If you have more than three or four kids, you know they’re all completely different even in the same household! As they get older, you begin to see their unique bends and talents that you had nothing to do with. That’s because God made them for certain things and put His design in them. It’s sad that most people never discover this because their life of survival holds them in places they were never intended to be. Your Uniqueness Defines Your Value Anyone who collects something knows that the uniqueness of an item dictates its value. But here’s the thing. It’s YOUR uniqueness that God put there to be seen. People want to fit in because they don’t know who they really are. Getting Back to Basics When we look at 1 Corinthians 3, we see Paul dealing with this exact topic. This new church in Corinth was worldly; they had no concept yet of who they were. They were baby Christians, still in spiritual diapers, yet they wanted to be grown up. They wanted to drive the tractor, be seen, and have identity. They were jostling for position, all fighting over spiritual gifts, all trying to judge who was more spiritual. Paul had to write this letter to give them wisdom. He said: Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. —1 Corinthians 3:1–3a (NIV) Friend, we have to go back to the basics. We've got to get this thing fixed. Finding Your Place in the Body In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul explains how the body of Christ works. The foot can’t say, “Because I’m not a hand, I don’t belong to the body.” It would still be a foot no matter how much it decided it wanted to be a hand. Why? Because God made it a foot. The ear can’t say, “Because I’m not an eye, I don’t belong to the body.” It was created as an ear with a very distinct purpose. Psalm 139 tells us: You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. ... My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place... Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. —Psalm 139:13–16 (NIV) Wow! The place where you’re going to end up has already been decided. All your days have already been ordained by God for your life. What you’re going to end up doing was written in His book before you were ever created. Discovering the Mystery of You It’s sad that so many people never discover themselves. You’ll hear me say many times that God will help you unravel the mystery of you to you. The world has raised us to bounce off the mirror: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” And besides you in the mirror, there are a ton of comparisons. In Ephesians 4:11–13, we learn that Jesus gave the church five ministry offices: Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors, and Teachers. Their purpose is “for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith.” Here’s what’s important. These offices are not something you pick like a job opportunity. Jesus calls people to these offices. I know when I was called. I remember that day when I had the open vision and God spoke to me saying, “I’m calling you to preach My Word” three times. Standing in Your Place For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. —Romans 12:4–8 (NIV) I was obedient to what God called me to do. I am no better than you. I am just standing in the place God told me to stand. You need to stand in the place God told you to stand. If all of us stand in the right place, the body will function, and great things will happen. That’s only going to happen when you understand that your function is needed. It’s not a popularity contest. It’s by revelation, and you’re doing it as unto the Lord. Friend, it’s a great journey discovering who God created you to be. Don’t try to be someone else. Be exactly who God made you to be.

You Have a Mission: Understanding Your God-Given Purpose

By Gary Keesee • May 12, 2025
Reading Time 6 mins 30 secs – I’m constantly asked the same question as I travel around the country speaking to people: “Gary, what am I supposed to do with my life? What’s my purpose?” But I’m going to tell you something right now. That’s actually the wrong question to start with. See, before we can talk about what you’re supposed to do, we need to establish who you are . We live in a world that evaluates people by what they do, not who they are. That’s completely backward from God’s perspective! This broken thinking started back in the Garden when Adam lost his identity and purpose and became a survivalist. The Earth Curse System We Grew Up In God told Adam, “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground.” —Genesis 3:17b–19a (NIV) I call this the “painful toil and sweat earth curse system.” That’s the system you and I grew up in. It creates a survivalist mentality instead of an assignment mentality. What’s the first question people ask in this system? “Where’s the money? Where’s the provision?” Adam had an original assignment—to represent God’s Kingdom on Earth and take care of God’s stuff. But he abandoned that created purpose and became a survivalist. And friend, we’ve all inherited that perverted view of life. We Need to Fix Your Identity First Now, here’s the thing. We have no business talking about your assignment or purpose until we get your identity fixed. Why? Because anything God has for you to do will be bigger than you! It’ll take more money than you have and more people than you know. It’ll take faith in God’s grace. As Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) says, “For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Our identity has been warped. Just like Adam covered himself with fig leaves, we try to cover ourselves with wealth, position, and the pride of life. We don’t want people to know the real us because we fear shame. The Prodigal Son’s Identity Crisis In Luke 15:11–24, Jesus told the story of the Prodigal Son. This is really a picture of what happened to Adam—leaving Father’s house full of provision and going to a place he thought was better, only to find it bankrupt. For the first time, this son had to be “hired.” Previously, he worked with his father in the family business. But then he had to take on an assignment that was disgusting to Jews—feeding pigs. He was totally out of position. When he finally came to his senses and returned home, what did he say? Luke 15:21 (NIV) tells us: “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’” He wanted to be made like one of his father’s hired servants. He didn’t understand who he really was! And even though the father restored him as a son, he carried this “I am not worthy” concept with him. Friend, this is what happens to us! When you feel unworthy, what do you want to do? Perform! You want to earn respect. You want people to acknowledge you’re worthy. And you perform for God. Even though we’re born again, even though we’re in Father’s house, we carry this survival mindset into our new life. And unless that is fixed, you’ll never be able to receive freely from God. Your Real Identity in Christ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son. —Romans 8:28–29a (NIV) You’re a coheir with Christ—part of the family! What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? —Romans 8:31 (NIV) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. —Romans 8:37 (NIV) Those are powerful statements, but it’s problematic because most people aren’t confident that God is actually for them. Religion has taught you that you’re nothing but a worm crawling in the dust. But that’s not what the Bible says! Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” —2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV) For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been set free from sin. —Romans 6:6–7 (NIV) You’re not a measly sinner who can’t stop sinning. You’re free from sin! Created with Divine Intent The word of the Lord came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” —Jeremiah 1:4–5 (NIV) I believe this applies to every person. Before you were created in your mother’s womb, God created you with intent. You’re not here by accident! If you have multiple children, you know they’re all different, even in the same household. Why? Because God made them for certain things and put His design in them. Unfortunately, most people never discover that because their life of survival holds them in places they were never intended to be at. You are extremely unique! So why is everyone trying to be like everyone else? Because no one knows who they really are. Your Unique Function in the Body For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. —Romans 12:4–5 (NIV) I’m not a pastor because I chose to be. I was obedient to what God said. And I’m no better than you are. I’m just standing in the place God told me to stand. You need to stand in the place God told you to stand. If all of us stand in the right place, the body will function and great things will happen! But that’s only going to happen when you understand that your function is needed. Ready for Your Mission? So, friend, before you ask what you’re supposed to do, make sure you know who you are in Christ. But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. —1 Peter 2:9 (NIV) Until you’re absolutely convinced of your identity, we don’t need to be talking about facing your Goliath. Your Goliath knows who he is. You have to know who you are! Your purpose isn’t a career choice. It comes by revelation. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. —Proverbs 19:21 (NIV) Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. —Psalm 139:16 (NIV) Only the Creator knows why something was built. Only God knows exactly why He created you and what He designed you to accomplish. Are you ready to discover your true mission? It starts with understanding your real identity in Christ. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 3:14 (NIV) When you do, you’ll stop trying to survive and start thriving in your God-given purpose! Remember John 10:10b (NIV) where Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”