Your Spouse Feeling Like Your Enemy? 13 Surefire Ways to Build Unity.

Drenda Keesee • July 10, 2024

Reading Time 4 mins 26 secs –


By Drenda Keesee



“I’m so tired of picking up your laundry!”


“You overspent again!”


“You never make time for me!”


How many times have you said something like that to your spouse?
Or wanted to say something like that to them?


How often do you allow yourself to get into a pattern of bickering with your spouse over things like money, household responsibilities, how often you talk to your mother (yes, I wrote that), how often you have sex (yes, I wrote that too), or other issues?


If you’ve ever fallen into a pattern of bickering with your spouse, you know how easy it is to stay there.


And that’s just what the enemy wants.


Because he knows that if he can keep you fighting over the dirty laundry, who’s on bath duty, who spends more money, or anything else, then he can keep you out of unity and away from your inheritance in the Kingdom of God.


The enemy’s greatest goal is to divide and conquer; and too often, we let him into our marriages.


Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our fight is not against human enemies but against the rulers of the darkness of this world.


Why do we forget that? Why are we willing to practically wage war with the person we’re supposed to love the most over the most insignificant things?


Are the petty things like him not emptying the trash or her buying that extra pair of earrings really worth you missing out on the promises of God? No!


So, how do you stop looking at your spouse as your enemy and build unity in your marriage? Here are my top 13 tips:


1. Make sure there’s no sin in your life.


Sin destroys unity—not just between you and your spouse but between you and God. Confess it, and eliminate it from your life.


2. Don’t compare yourself or your spouse to others.


No couple is perfect, and no person is perfect. Don’t be deceived into believing the grass is greener anywhere else. Remember, you only see people’s public faces, not their private struggles.


3. Focus on the positive in your spouse.


We ALL have faults. Sadly, it’s human nature to hide our own faults but to point out the weaknesses in others. God sees both you and your spouse as valuable. Try looking at your spouse the same way. Find positive things to focus on and things to be grateful for.


4. Pay attention to what you’re saying.


Use your words to build up, not tear down. Your words are seeds that will produce fruit. Don’t say things like, “You never…” or “You always….” Realize how much power your words have to build unity in your marriage or destroy it.


5. Pray together.

If you’ve never prayed together, or if it’s been awhile, it WILL be awkward and uncomfortable. Do it anyway.


6. Learn more about the differences between you and your spouse as a man and a woman.


It’s not hard to see that we communicate differently. The more you understand that, and work on it, the less communication breakdowns will occur in your marriage.


7. Squash selfishness.

Really think about whether you’re placing your needs over those of your spouse. Selfishness can easily squash any hopes of unity. Squash it first.


8. Forgive.

Holding onto an offense or hurt does nothing to help you. It only turns into bitterness. I love this quote from Ruth Bell Graham: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”


9. Apologize.

Say you’re sorry first. Being too prideful to admit when you’re wrong only builds walls of separation in your relationship.


10. Work at being a good friend.

This is a big one. All too often, we work more at being a good friend to our friends, but we stink at being a good friend to our spouse. Change that. Figure out your spouse’s love language and communicate it. Make plans to do something fun together. Be the friend to your spouse that you want him/her to be to you.


11. Set goals together and accomplish them as a team.

Many of us show ourselves as valuable team members at work, in class, and in sports, but we’d be downright embarrassed if those same people saw how we work (or don’t work) together with our spouses. Change!


12. Have sex!

It’s sad that I even need to include this, but it’s an issue that impacts the unity of so many marriages! Remember that the marriage bed is the healing oil that makes the two one flesh.


13. Commit, or recommit, your marriage to God.

Last, but definitely not least, this is the most important tip. God can help you recognize when your marriage is under attack, free you from any insecurities or failures that are preventing you from being one in your relationship, and give you an understanding of His design for marriage.


Marriage isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. There will be bumps in the road. There will be times when all you want to do is give up. But as someone who has been married for more than 41 years, I can tell you that working through your differences and fighting for your marriage is well worth the effort.


The reward is so much greater than the struggles.


Make the decision to apply these tips to your marriage regardless of whether your spouse reciprocates or is accepting of the change in you. It’s YOUR actions that will win his/her heart over.

Are You Taking Care of God’s Business?

By Gary Keesee • April 14, 2025
Reading Time 3 mins 8 secs – Let me ask you something. Are you truly concerned about God’s business? Or are you more focused on your own? That might be a tough question, but it’s one we all have to answer at some point. The truth is, when we align our lives with God’s agenda, everything else begins to fall into place. Jesus made it clear in Luke 2:49 (NKJV) when He said, “Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?” He was focused. He understood that His life was about fulfilling a divine purpose, not just going through the motions of everyday existence. And guess what? The same applies to you and me. God’s Business First A lot of people are trying to build their own lives, solve their own problems, and make their own way—only to end up frustrated, tired, and lacking. But Matthew 6:33 (NIV) gives us a powerful principle: “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” That means if we take care of God’s business, He’ll take care of ours. I’ve seen this firsthand in my own life and in the lives of countless others. When we align our time, energy, and resources with what God is doing, He ensures that we never lack what we need. Provision follows purpose. Philippians 4:19 (NIV) reminds us, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” When we prioritize His business, He supplies all we need. What Does It Mean to Be About God’s Business? Being about God’s business isn’t just about working in ministry. It means bringing Kingdom principles into everything we do—our careers, our families, our finances, and even our daily conversations. It means: Using your talents and skills to make an impact for God’s Kingdom : “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters” (Colossians 3:23, NIV). Handling your finances according to His Word, not just worldly wisdom : “Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine” (Proverbs 3:9–10, NIV). Being led by the Holy Spirit in decision-making, rather than reacting to circumstances : “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God” (Romans 8:14, NIV). Viewing your work as a mission field, wherever you are. Stepping into Your Kingdom Assignment Too often, people are waiting for God to bless them before they take action. But that’s backward! When you step into your Kingdom assignment—when you take that step of faith and prioritize what God is doing—then provision, opportunities, and success start flowing your way. That’s how the Kingdom works. James 2:17b (NIV) tells us, “Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” God has called you to make a difference, to live with purpose, and to operate in the blessings of the Kingdom. But it starts with a choice: Will you focus on His business, or will you continue trying to figure things out on your own? Make the Shift Today If you’ve been struggling, feeling stuck, or wondering why things aren’t working, take a moment to check your focus. Are you aligned with God’s business? Are you seeking His Kingdom first? Proverbs 16:3 (NIV) encourages us, “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” When you trust Him and put Him first, He will lead you to success. I challenge you today: Make the shift. Start putting God’s agenda before your own, and watch how He transforms every area of your life. His business is the best business to be in! Let’s go after it together! Watch the full message here: Are You Concerned About God's Business?

Occupy Your Destiny: Finding Your Purpose in a World of Distraction

By Gary Keesee • March 18, 2025
Reading Time 2 mins 52 secs – Have you ever felt like there’s more to life than what you’re currently experiencing? That nagging sense that you were created for something greater, yet you’re not quite sure what it is or how to step into it? You’re not alone. Many people go through life knowing deep down that they have a specific purpose—a destiny to fulfill—but they struggle to identify it and take the necessary steps to walk in it. But here’s the truth: You weren’t just saved to survive; you were saved to occupy! You were created with a unique assignment and a position of influence in this world. Your destiny isn’t just about achieving personal success; it’s about fulfilling your Kingdom purpose. Moving Beyond Deliverance to Destiny One of the biggest traps believers fall into is celebrating deliverance but never stepping into their destinies. Think about it—have you ever experienced a breakthrough in your life? Maybe you got out of debt, overcame an addiction, or walked away from a toxic situation. But instead of pressing forward, you found yourself simply enjoying your newfound freedom without any real direction. Here’s the problem: Deliverance is never permanent unless you learn to occupy! The enemy will always try to reclaim territory in your life. If you don’t move forward into your destiny, you risk falling back into old cycles. Your breakthrough is just the beginning, not the end. God didn’t free you so you could sit still. He freed you so you could step into your purpose and advance His Kingdom! Understanding Your Authority To occupy your destiny, you have to understand the authority God has given you. Too many believers live far below their potential because they don’t recognize the authority they carry. Authority isn’t about how powerful you feel; it’s about knowing your legal standing. Think about a police officer directing traffic. Cars don’t stop because the officer has the physical strength to stop them. They stop because of the badge —the authority the officer represents. It’s the same with you. Your authority doesn’t come from your abilities. It comes from the One you represent. But here’s the key: You can’t walk in authority unless you’re also submitted to authority. Finding Your Place in God’s Organizational Chart Have you ever considered where you fit in God’s organizational chart? Your destiny is directly tied to understanding your role and responsibilities in the Kingdom. Ask yourself: Where has God called me to be? What unique gifts and abilities do I bring? Who has God placed in authority over me? Who has He placed in my care? When you’re in the right place—operating within your assigned role—things work smoothly, and God’s authority flows properly in your life . The Power of Staying Submitted One of the biggest challenges in stepping into your destiny is staying submitted —especially when you disagree or face correction. Your maturity isn’t measured by your talent or your age. It’s measured by your ability to remain submitted even when it’s difficult . Think about how quickly you want to defend yourself when criticized. Do you get offended? Do you want to quit? That’s a sign of immaturity that can derail your destiny. Submission isn’t about control; it’s about protection. When you remain under authority, you position yourself for greater authority and greater Kingdom impact. Moving Forward with Confidence As you step into your destiny, God will provide everything you need —the right people, the right resources, and the right opportunities to fulfill your assignment. The double portion is already yours! When you align yourself with God’s plan and operate under His authority, you’ll find that He supplies “exceedingly, abundantly above all that you could ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20). So, are you ready to move beyond just celebrating your freedom to actually occupying your place of influence ? Your destiny is waiting. It’s time to take possession of what’s rightfully yours! What area of authority has God placed in your hands? How are you occupying that space for His Kingdom?

Leave the Junk Back in 2024 & Make 2025 Your Best Year Yet

By Gary Keesee • January 8, 2025
Reading Time 4 mins 39 secs – You know, every January, people talk about starting fresh—setting New Year’s resolutions and trying to reset their lives physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. And that’s great. But how many times have we found ourselves setting the same resolutions year after year, only to abandon them a few days, weeks, or a month later? This year, I want to challenge you to think differently. Instead of focusing only on what you want to achieve in 2025, let’s also take a hard look at what you need to leave behind in 2024. Sometimes, the biggest breakthroughs come not from what we gain but from what we let go of. Here are three things to leave behind as you step into God’s best for your life in 2025: 1. Insecurities Let’s talk about insecurity for a second. It’s a sneaky thief. It keeps you stuck, paralyzed, and doubting whether you’re capable of doing what God called you to do. Insecurity is not from God. It's the enemy’s tactic to rob you of your destiny. God made you on purpose, for a purpose, and He doesn’t make mistakes. Genesis 1:27 says you were created in His image. That means you have His DNA—His creativity, power, and potential—inside of you. Stop comparing yourself to someone else’s highlight reel. Stop trying to fix yourself with things that don’t matter—more stuff, more status, or other people’s opinions. God has already given you everything you need to walk confidently into your calling. Here’s what to do: Spend time reminding yourself what God says about you. When insecurity tries to creep in, stand firm on the Word of God. Write down affirmations based on Scripture, and speak them out loud! Your words carry power. Be confident in this truth: God chose you for this moment, this season, and this purpose. Let 2025 be the year you leave insecurity in the rearview mirror. You have too much ahead to let fear hold you back. 2. Complaining I’m going to be real with you: complaining is one of the fastest ways to keep yourself stuck. It focuses all your energy on what’s wrong instead of what God’s doing. And the Bible makes it clear: “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21a, NIV). What are you speaking over your life? Complaining doesn’t just create negativity; it’s a mindset. When you constantly dwell on the problems, you miss the solutions God is already providing. So, what’s the alternative? Gratitude. Gratitude is a weapon. It shifts your focus and aligns your thinking with God’s promises. Here’s how to flip the script: Start a gratitude list. Write down three things you’re thankful for every day. Train your mind to focus on what God is doing, not what isn’t going right. Catch yourself. When you start to complain, pause and say, “What can I be grateful for in this moment?” Get perspective. Ask yourself, “Is this going to matter a year from now?” Most of the time, the things we complain about aren’t worth the energy. When you retrain your mind to focus on the good, you’ll find that joy and strength naturally follow. The Bible says, “The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10b, NIV). Let’s lean into that joy in 2025. 3. Toxic Relationships We’ve all been there. Relationships can be a blessing, but some relationships weigh you down, pull you away from God’s plan, and drain your energy. Toxic relationships aren’t just in romantic settings. They can show up in friendships, family, or work environments too. If someone is constantly pulling you away from your purpose, making you question your worth, or keeping you from stepping into God’s best, it’s time to set some boundaries. And listen: this doesn’t mean cutting off people entirely. Boundaries don’t mean you stop loving people. They mean you stop letting their dysfunction control your life. Ask yourself: Is this relationship pushing me closer to God or pulling me away? Does this person consistently build me up, or do they tear me down? When you let go of relationships that aren’t aligned with where God is taking you, you make space for the right people—people who will encourage you, challenge you, and grow with you. I’m Sure You Can Think of More Things to Leave Behind… This list is just a starting point. Maybe for you, it’s leaving behind procrastination, negative thoughts, or the fear of failure. Maybe it’s doubt, pride, or the need to control everything. Whatever it is, take some time to reflect. Ask yourself: What’s holding me back from stepping into the life God has for me? We all have things we’ve been carrying for far too long—things that don’t belong in the next chapter of our lives. This year, don’t just focus on what you’re reaching for; get intentional about what you’re letting go of. There’s power in leaving behind what no longer (or never did) serve God’s purpose for you. Stepping Into 2025 Here’s the good news: You don’t have to navigate this alone. God didn’t design you to do life by yourself. Surround yourself with people who will speak life into you, remind you of God’s promises, and stand with you in faith. You won’t always get it right—and that’s okay. Nobody succeeds at everything all the time. But when you fall, God’s grace is there to pick you back up. He’s cheering you on, and so are Drenda and I. As we move forward into 2025, let’s leave behind insecurity, complaining, and toxic relationships. Instead, let’s embrace God’s truth, walk in gratitude, and surround ourselves with the right people.  This is your year to step boldly into what God has called you to do. Let’s make it count.