Your Spouse Feeling Like Your Enemy? 13 Surefire Ways to Build Unity.

Reading Time 4 mins 26 secs –

By Drenda Keesee

“I’m so tired of picking up your laundry!”

“You overspent again!”

“You never make time for me!”

How many times have you said something like that to your spouse? Or wanted to say something like that to them?

How often do you allow yourself to get into a pattern of bickering with your spouse over things like money, household responsibilities, how often you talk to your mother (yes, I wrote that), how often you have sex (yes, I wrote that too), or other issues?

If you’ve ever fallen into a pattern of bickering with your spouse, you know how easy it is to stay there.

And that’s just what the enemy wants.

Because he knows that if he can keep you fighting over the dirty laundry, who’s on bath duty, who spends more money, or anything else, then he can keep you out of unity and away from your inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

The enemy’s greatest goal is to divide and conquer; and too often, we let him into our marriages.

Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our fight is not against human enemies but against the rulers of the darkness of this world.

Why do we forget that? Why are we willing to practically wage war with the person we’re supposed to love the most over the most insignificant things?

Are the petty things like him not emptying the trash or her buying that extra pair of earrings really worth you missing out on the promises of God? No!

So, how do you stop looking at your spouse as your enemy and build unity in your marriage? Here are my top 13 tips:

1. Make sure there’s no sin in your life. 

Sin destroys unity—not just between you and your spouse but between you and God. Confess it, and eliminate it from your life.

2. Don’t compare yourself or your spouse to others. 

No couple is perfect, and no person is perfect. Don’t be deceived into believing the grass is greener anywhere else. Remember, you only see people’s public faces, not their private struggles.

3. Focus on the positive in your spouse. 

We ALL have faults. Sadly, it’s human nature to hide our own faults but to point out the weaknesses in others. God sees both you and your spouse as valuable. Try looking at your spouse the same way. Find positive things to focus on and things to be grateful for.

4. Pay attention to what you’re saying. 

Use your words to build up, not tear down. Your words are seeds that will produce fruit. Don’t say things like, “You never…” or “You always….” Realize how much power your words have to build unity in your marriage or destroy it.

5. Pray together.

If you’ve never prayed together, or if it’s been awhile, it WILL be awkward and uncomfortable. Do it anyway.

6. Learn more about the differences between you and your spouse as a man and a woman. 

It’s not hard to see that we communicate differently. The more you understand that, and work on it, the less communication breakdowns will occur in your marriage.

7. Squash selfishness.

Really think about whether you’re placing your needs over those of your spouse. Selfishness can easily squash any hopes of unity. Squash it first.

8. Forgive.

Holding onto an offense or hurt does nothing to help you. It only turns into bitterness. I love this quote from Ruth Bell Graham: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

9. Apologize.

Say you’re sorry first. Being too prideful to admit when you’re wrong only builds walls of separation in your relationship.

10. Work at being a good friend.

This is a big one. All too often, we work more at being a good friend to our friends, but we stink at being a good friend to our spouse. Change that. Figure out your spouse’s love language and communicate it. Make plans to do something fun together. Be the friend to your spouse that you want him/her to be to you.

11. Set goals together and accomplish them as a team.

Many of us show ourselves as valuable team members at work, in class, and in sports, but we’d be downright embarrassed if those same people saw how we work (or don’t work) together with our spouses. Change!

12. Have sex!

It’s sad that I even need to include this, but it’s an issue that impacts the unity of so many marriages! Remember that the marriage bed is the healing oil that makes the two one flesh.

13. Commit, or recommit, your marriage to God.

Last, but definitely not least, this is the most important tip. God can help you recognize when your marriage is under attack, free you from any insecurities or failures that are preventing you from being one in your relationship, and give you an understanding of His design for marriage.

Marriage isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. There will be bumps in the road. There will be times when all you want to do is give up. But as someone who has been married for more than 41 years, I can tell you that working through your differences and fighting for your marriage is well worth the effort.

The reward is so much greater than the struggles.

Make the decision to apply these tips to your marriage regardless of whether your spouse reciprocates or is accepting of the change in you. It’s YOUR actions that will win his/her heart over.

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Finding God’s Path for Your Life

By Gary Keesee • February 13, 2026

Reading Time 5 mins 59 secs – Most of us have asked it, sometimes out loud, sometimes in frustration: Are we there yet? Not just about a trip but about life. Calling. Direction. The future. The problem isn’t that you want clarity. The problem is thinking God will hand you the whole map up front. Proverbs instructs us to give careful thought to the paths our feet are on and to be steadfast in all our ways. This isn’t passive language. It assumes intentional movement, focused direction, and refusal to drift. Staying on the right path requires attention and discipline, not just belief. That means the focus isn’t anxiety about the destination; it’s attention to the path under your feet today. Look Straight Ahead Proverbs gives a simple instruction that’s easy to skip over: “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Do not turn to the right or the left” (Proverbs 4:25, 27a, NIV). So, what are you supposed to look at? You’re not meant to stare at fear, compare lanes, or obsess over what might happen way in the future. You’re meant to keep your gaze fixed where God is leading you now and to keep your foot from evil by refusing distractions that pull you off course. God’s Word is described as a lamp: “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path” (Psalm 119:105, NIV). A lamp doesn’t show you everything. It shows you just enough, a few steps ahead. That’s exactly how God often leads, especially when you’re going somewhere you’ve never been before. That’s why Abraham’s story in Hebrews 11 is so relatable. Abraham obeyed and proceeded, even though he did not know where he was going. And if we’re honest, neither do we. When the Water Doesn’t Part Until Your Feet Touch It Joshua 3 shows what trusting God often looks like. The Jordan was at flood stage. It wasn’t a convenient crossing. But the instruction was still to move forward. And the river didn’t part while they stood on the bank thinking about it. It parted when the priests’ feet touched the water. God’s path often requires motion before you see the breakthrough. The same principle shows up with Peter. He didn’t walk on water; he walked on the word. When Jesus said “come,” that word carried him. You may feel like you’re facing impossible valleys, things that seem like they have no way around them, but if God said “go,” then the obstacle is not proof you missed Him. Sometimes, it’s part of the plan. Don’t Misread the Process Many believers get discouraged because they mistake the beginning for the end. They assume that if God spoke, it should happen immediately. But Scripture shows something else: God often leads with glimpses and dreams, not full explanations. He gives you enough to move and enough to hold on to. That’s why many people quit too early—not because they don’t love God, but because they don’t understand the process. Joseph: Dreams, Training, and the “Pharaoh Moment” Joseph had two dreams at 17. Then life took a hard turn: betrayal, slavery, false accusation, and prison. And yet later, Joseph said something shocking to his brothers: “It was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you” (Genesis 45:5b, NIV). That means the path, including the painful parts, was not random. It was preparation. Joseph couldn’t have gone straight to the palace. He needed training, exposure, language, protocol, and wisdom. God positioned him in the house of a high-ranking official so he could learn what he’d need later. Then came the moment everything was aimed toward: standing before Pharaoh. When that moment arrived, Joseph didn’t just interpret a dream; he had a plan. And the plan seemed good to Pharaoh. There’s a practical takeaway here: sometimes God develops you in places you don’t enjoy so you’ll have something to offer when the door opens. Your faithfulness now can become your credibility later. When You Don’t Like Your Job, You Might Be in Training It’s easy to say, “I hate my job.” But a hard season doesn’t automatically mean you’re off track. Sometimes the question is: Can God trust you where you are? Can He trust your integrity when nobody’s impressed? Can He trust your obedience when you don’t feel like it? Can He trust you to stay out of sin when it would be easier to compromise? This is the kind of training that happens before anyone knows your name. And when you consistently show up with excellence and bring solutions, your gift becomes visible. The value is sometimes found in the training season. You’re being prepared for a season to come, and everything you learned in that training season will not be wasted. Sometimes the First Step Is to Sit After a message about vision and purpose, people can get anxious: “I need to do something right now.” But sometimes wisdom says: be still and sit for a minute. Many people come to Christ carrying an “earth curse system” mindset of work, labor, perform, and strive because that’s all they’ve known. But learning the Kingdom takes time. Identity comes before assignment. Simple Ways to Stay on the Path This Week Fix your gaze. Stop demanding the full map. Stay faithful to today. Keep moving. Don’t get stuck replaying the lies of the enemy. Step in before you see it. Some waters part after your feet touch them. Honor the process. Training seasons are not wasted seasons. Write it down. Keep a record of dreams, words, and reminders from God. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You for leading me on the right path. Help me fix my gaze straight ahead and follow You one step at a time. Give me the courage to move forward even when I can only see a few feet in front of me. Strengthen me in the process, teach me what I need to learn, guard my integrity, and keep me steady when I feel delayed or discouraged. Remind me of what You’ve spoken to me through Your Word, through dreams, and through moments you’ve marked in my life. I choose to stay on the path and trust You with the destination. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.

A New Year, A New Alignment

By Gary Keesee • January 19, 2026

Reading Time 3 mins 59 secs – A new year isn’t just a change on the calendar; it is an opportunity for alignment. God is always moving, always advancing His Kingdom, and always inviting His people to come into agreement with what He’s already established. Scripture tells us that God’s throne is established in heaven and His Kingdom rules over all. That means heaven is not distant, theoretical, or reserved for later. The Kingdom of God is active, present, and meant to be experienced now. When you understand that you are a citizen of God’s Kingdom—not someday, but today—it changes how you think, how you pray, and how you live. You stop reacting to life from the outside and start governing from the inside. This is how heaven touches Earth. You Were Created to Rule, Not Struggle From the beginning, God gave humanity authority. He didn’t create people to survive on Earth; He created them to steward it. Dominion was always part of God’s design. Genesis tells us that mankind was created in God’s image and crowned with glory and honor. That crown wasn’t symbolic. It represented authority backed by heaven itself: authority to subdue, to bring order, and to enforce God’s will in the earth. Although that authority was lost through rebellion, Jesus legally restored it. Colossians reminds us that we were rescued from the dominion of darkness and brought into the Kingdom of God’s Son. You are not waiting to enter the Kingdom. You are living in it now. Citizenship Changes Everything Citizenship isn’t just identity. It’s access. When you were born again, you didn’t just receive forgiveness; you received legal standing in God’s Kingdom. Ephesians tells us plainly that we are no longer strangers or outsiders but citizens and members of God’s household. That means the benefits of the Kingdom belong to you now, not later. As a citizen, you have: A right to provision. A right to healing. A right to wisdom and direction. A right to peace and freedom. You don’t approach God as a beggar hoping for mercy. You approach Him as a son or daughter who understands covenant. That perspective alone will change how you pray. Stop Running. Start Seeking. Jesus told us not to run after provision the way the world does. Anxiety-driven effort is not Kingdom living. Instead, He instructed us to seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness. Seeking the Kingdom doesn’t mean begging God to do something He already said yes. It means learning how the Kingdom operates and aligning your life with its laws. In God’s system: Seed produces harvest. Faith releases authority. Agreement allows heaven to move. Truth drives out fear. Everything you need already exists within the Kingdom structure. The issue is rarely whether God is willing; it’s whether we understand how to receive. Understanding Produces Confidence Many believers love God deeply but live unsure of their rights. That uncertainty shows up in prayer filled with desperation instead of confidence. Scripture tells us that when we ask according to God’s will, He hears us, and if He hears us, we already have what we’ve asked. That’s not hope; that’s assurance. Confidence grows when you stop allowing vague ideas about God to shape your thinking and start grounding your life in what His Word actually says. You are not disconnected from heaven. You are not powerless. You are not at the mercy of circumstances. You are a citizen with authority. Agreement Unlocks Heaven on Earth Jesus demonstrated how the Kingdom works everywhere He went. He didn’t plead with the Father to act. He acted in agreement with the Father’s will. When people received healing, freedom, or restoration, it wasn’t because God suddenly decided to intervene. It was because someone came into agreement with what heaven had already established. Heaven moves when faith agrees. Heaven advances when truth is believed. Heaven manifests when authority is exercised. Disagreement—whether through fear, doubt, or false teaching—blocks what God desires to release. Agreement opens the door. Simple Ways to Align with the Kingdom This Year If you want to experience heaven on Earth more fully, start with these practical steps: Renew your thinking daily. Keep God’s Word in front of you morning and night. Truth recalibrates faith. Pray with confidence, not panic. Stop begging. Start agreeing. Expect God’s direction. He knows what you need and how to lead you there. Guard what you believe. Don’t entertain ideas that contradict God’s character or promises. Act on what you know. Authority works when it’s exercised. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You that I am a citizen of Your Kingdom and a member of your household. I choose to align my thinking, my words, and my actions with what You have already established. I release every old mindset that limits Your work in my life. Teach me how Your Kingdom operates. Lead me by Your Spirit. Let this be a year of clarity, confidence, and forward movement. I receive what You have already given and step into the life You’ve prepared for me. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.

Thankful Hearts and Victorious Lives

By Gary Keesee • December 8, 2025

Reading Time 4 mins 6 secs – Thankfulness isn’t just good manners; it’s a spiritual posture. It’s how your faith stays strong, your heart stays aligned, and your life stays connected to what God is doing. In a world that constantly pulls on your emotions, drains your joy, and fills the air with fear and pressure, thanksgiving becomes how you stay connected to the victory Jesus has already won for you. Second Corinthians 2:14 reminds us that God always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through our lives, He spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere we go. That’s not just poetic language. That’s a description of your life in the Kingdom. You were designed to walk in victory, carry the fragrance of heaven into every room, walk in faith and not fear, and bring evidence of God’s goodness wherever you go. And the doorway into that life? A thankful heart. Thankfulness Is Your Position of Strength You don’t wait until you see victory to thank God. In the Kingdom of God, thankfulness comes before the breakthrough. First Corinthians 15:57 reminds us that God gives us victory through Jesus. Not someday, not eventually, but as a present, active reality. When you say, “Thank You, Lord, for leading me into victory in this situation,” you are aligning your heart with what God has already spoken. You are: Agreeing with His Word. Positioning yourself to receive. Stepping into alignment with His promises. Philippians 4:6 tells us to bring every request to God with thanksgiving. Gratitude is not the result of answered prayer; it’s part of how we pray. If someone handed you a check and you said, “I’ll see if it clears, and then I’ll thank you,” how eager would they be to bless you again? In the same way, when we approach God with “Father, thank You that You always lead me into victory,” we’re not pretending. We’re trusting His character before we see the outcome. That is faith. Gratitude Changes the Atmosphere You don’t just walk into a room; you carry an atmosphere. We’ve all stepped into places that felt heavy, tense, or anxious without anyone saying a word. But God designed you to carry something different: Peace instead of pressure Freedom instead of fear Victory instead of defeat A sound mind instead of anxiety When you adopt a posture of thanksgiving rather than one of complaint, your home changes, your conversations change. Psalm 100 reminds us that we enter God’s presence with thanksgiving and praise. Gratitude isn’t just something we do; it’s how we step into His presence and shift the atmosphere around us. How We Limit God When We Forget to Say “Thank You” Psalm 78 tells us that the people of Israel limited God not because His power failed but because they refused to agree with Him. God wanted to bless them. He had good plans for them. But instead of aligning with His promises, they complained, focused on what they saw instead of what He said, and talked more about giants than about God. Grumbling doesn’t just make you miserable; it closes your hands. Thankfulness opens them. The same is true for every promise in your life—provision, wisdom, direction, breakthrough, and peace. Ask yourself: Am I agreeing with God or resisting Him with my words? Do I talk more about the problem or about His promise? Have I been limiting God by withholding my thankfulness? Simple Ways to Practice Thankfulness Every Day You don’t have to wait for Sunday to live a thankful life. You can practice gratitude right where you are. Start with these 5 simple rhythms: Thank Him before you see the answer. When you pray, don’t just ask. Take time to thank the Lord that the answer to your promise is already yes. Guard the atmosphere of your home. If voices, media, or conversations are feeding fear and heaviness, turn them off. Make room for worship, the Word, and encouragement. Say “thank you” out loud. To God. To people. For big things and small things. Train your heart to respond with gratitude instead of suspicion or resistance. Worship on purpose. You don’t need a worship team to praise. Turn on worship in your car, your kitchen, your living room. Lift your voice. Let His presence fill your space. Check your heart often. If thankfulness and gratitude haven’t been on your heart much, don’t condemn yourself; just correct your course. Let God restore your joy. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You that in Christ You always lead me into victory. I repent for every time I’ve complained, drifted, or agreed more with fear than with your Word. Today, I choose to be thankful. I say “yes” and “thank You” to Your promises, Your plans, and Your goodness. Restore to me the joy of my salvation. Lift off all heaviness. Fill me fresh with Your Spirit. Let my life carry peace instead of pressure, praise instead of complaining, faith instead of fear. I receive Your wisdom, Your strength, and Your direction for every situation I’m facing. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.