Your Spouse Feeling Like Your Enemy? 13 Surefire Ways to Build Unity.

Reading Time 4 mins 26 secs –

By Drenda Keesee

“I’m so tired of picking up your laundry!”

“You overspent again!”

“You never make time for me!”

How many times have you said something like that to your spouse? Or wanted to say something like that to them?

How often do you allow yourself to get into a pattern of bickering with your spouse over things like money, household responsibilities, how often you talk to your mother (yes, I wrote that), how often you have sex (yes, I wrote that too), or other issues?

If you’ve ever fallen into a pattern of bickering with your spouse, you know how easy it is to stay there.

And that’s just what the enemy wants.

Because he knows that if he can keep you fighting over the dirty laundry, who’s on bath duty, who spends more money, or anything else, then he can keep you out of unity and away from your inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

The enemy’s greatest goal is to divide and conquer; and too often, we let him into our marriages.

Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our fight is not against human enemies but against the rulers of the darkness of this world.

Why do we forget that? Why are we willing to practically wage war with the person we’re supposed to love the most over the most insignificant things?

Are the petty things like him not emptying the trash or her buying that extra pair of earrings really worth you missing out on the promises of God? No!

So, how do you stop looking at your spouse as your enemy and build unity in your marriage? Here are my top 13 tips:

1. Make sure there’s no sin in your life. 

Sin destroys unity—not just between you and your spouse but between you and God. Confess it, and eliminate it from your life.

2. Don’t compare yourself or your spouse to others. 

No couple is perfect, and no person is perfect. Don’t be deceived into believing the grass is greener anywhere else. Remember, you only see people’s public faces, not their private struggles.

3. Focus on the positive in your spouse. 

We ALL have faults. Sadly, it’s human nature to hide our own faults but to point out the weaknesses in others. God sees both you and your spouse as valuable. Try looking at your spouse the same way. Find positive things to focus on and things to be grateful for.

4. Pay attention to what you’re saying. 

Use your words to build up, not tear down. Your words are seeds that will produce fruit. Don’t say things like, “You never…” or “You always….” Realize how much power your words have to build unity in your marriage or destroy it.

5. Pray together.

If you’ve never prayed together, or if it’s been awhile, it WILL be awkward and uncomfortable. Do it anyway.

6. Learn more about the differences between you and your spouse as a man and a woman. 

It’s not hard to see that we communicate differently. The more you understand that, and work on it, the less communication breakdowns will occur in your marriage.

7. Squash selfishness.

Really think about whether you’re placing your needs over those of your spouse. Selfishness can easily squash any hopes of unity. Squash it first.

8. Forgive.

Holding onto an offense or hurt does nothing to help you. It only turns into bitterness. I love this quote from Ruth Bell Graham: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

9. Apologize.

Say you’re sorry first. Being too prideful to admit when you’re wrong only builds walls of separation in your relationship.

10. Work at being a good friend.

This is a big one. All too often, we work more at being a good friend to our friends, but we stink at being a good friend to our spouse. Change that. Figure out your spouse’s love language and communicate it. Make plans to do something fun together. Be the friend to your spouse that you want him/her to be to you.

11. Set goals together and accomplish them as a team.

Many of us show ourselves as valuable team members at work, in class, and in sports, but we’d be downright embarrassed if those same people saw how we work (or don’t work) together with our spouses. Change!

12. Have sex!

It’s sad that I even need to include this, but it’s an issue that impacts the unity of so many marriages! Remember that the marriage bed is the healing oil that makes the two one flesh.

13. Commit, or recommit, your marriage to God.

Last, but definitely not least, this is the most important tip. God can help you recognize when your marriage is under attack, free you from any insecurities or failures that are preventing you from being one in your relationship, and give you an understanding of His design for marriage.

Marriage isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. There will be bumps in the road. There will be times when all you want to do is give up. But as someone who has been married for more than 41 years, I can tell you that working through your differences and fighting for your marriage is well worth the effort.

The reward is so much greater than the struggles.

Make the decision to apply these tips to your marriage regardless of whether your spouse reciprocates or is accepting of the change in you. It’s YOUR actions that will win his/her heart over.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

Occupy Your Destiny: Finding Your Purpose in a World of Distraction

By Gary Keesee • March 18, 2025

Reading Time 2 mins 52 secs – Have you ever felt like there’s more to life than what you’re currently experiencing? That nagging sense that you were created for something greater, yet you’re not quite sure what it is or how to step into it? You’re not alone. Many people go through life knowing deep down that they have a specific purpose—a destiny to fulfill—but they struggle to identify it and take the necessary steps to walk in it. But here’s the truth: You weren’t just saved to survive; you were saved to occupy! You were created with a unique assignment and a position of influence in this world. Your destiny isn’t just about achieving personal success; it’s about fulfilling your Kingdom purpose. Moving Beyond Deliverance to Destiny One of the biggest traps believers fall into is celebrating deliverance but never stepping into their destinies. Think about it—have you ever experienced a breakthrough in your life? Maybe you got out of debt, overcame an addiction, or walked away from a toxic situation. But instead of pressing forward, you found yourself simply enjoying your newfound freedom without any real direction. Here’s the problem: Deliverance is never permanent unless you learn to occupy! The enemy will always try to reclaim territory in your life. If you don’t move forward into your destiny, you risk falling back into old cycles. Your breakthrough is just the beginning, not the end. God didn’t free you so you could sit still. He freed you so you could step into your purpose and advance His Kingdom! Understanding Your Authority To occupy your destiny, you have to understand the authority God has given you. Too many believers live far below their potential because they don’t recognize the authority they carry. Authority isn’t about how powerful you feel; it’s about knowing your legal standing. Think about a police officer directing traffic. Cars don’t stop because the officer has the physical strength to stop them. They stop because of the badge —the authority the officer represents. It’s the same with you. Your authority doesn’t come from your abilities. It comes from the One you represent. But here’s the key: You can’t walk in authority unless you’re also submitted to authority. Finding Your Place in God’s Organizational Chart Have you ever considered where you fit in God’s organizational chart? Your destiny is directly tied to understanding your role and responsibilities in the Kingdom. Ask yourself: Where has God called me to be? What unique gifts and abilities do I bring? Who has God placed in authority over me? Who has He placed in my care? When you’re in the right place—operating within your assigned role—things work smoothly, and God’s authority flows properly in your life . The Power of Staying Submitted One of the biggest challenges in stepping into your destiny is staying submitted —especially when you disagree or face correction. Your maturity isn’t measured by your talent or your age. It’s measured by your ability to remain submitted even when it’s difficult . Think about how quickly you want to defend yourself when criticized. Do you get offended? Do you want to quit? That’s a sign of immaturity that can derail your destiny. Submission isn’t about control; it’s about protection. When you remain under authority, you position yourself for greater authority and greater Kingdom impact. Moving Forward with Confidence As you step into your destiny, God will provide everything you need —the right people, the right resources, and the right opportunities to fulfill your assignment. The double portion is already yours! When you align yourself with God’s plan and operate under His authority, you’ll find that He supplies “exceedingly, abundantly above all that you could ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20). So, are you ready to move beyond just celebrating your freedom to actually occupying your place of influence ? Your destiny is waiting. It’s time to take possession of what’s rightfully yours! What area of authority has God placed in your hands? How are you occupying that space for His Kingdom?

Leave the Junk Back in 2024 & Make 2025 Your Best Year Yet

By Gary Keesee • January 8, 2025

Reading Time 4 mins 39 secs – You know, every January, people talk about starting fresh—setting New Year’s resolutions and trying to reset their lives physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. And that’s great. But how many times have we found ourselves setting the same resolutions year after year, only to abandon them a few days, weeks, or a month later? This year, I want to challenge you to think differently. Instead of focusing only on what you want to achieve in 2025, let’s also take a hard look at what you need to leave behind in 2024. Sometimes, the biggest breakthroughs come not from what we gain but from what we let go of. Here are three things to leave behind as you step into God’s best for your life in 2025: 1. Insecurities Let’s talk about insecurity for a second. It’s a sneaky thief. It keeps you stuck, paralyzed, and doubting whether you’re capable of doing what God called you to do. Insecurity is not from God. It's the enemy’s tactic to rob you of your destiny. God made you on purpose, for a purpose, and He doesn’t make mistakes. Genesis 1:27 says you were created in His image. That means you have His DNA—His creativity, power, and potential—inside of you. Stop comparing yourself to someone else’s highlight reel. Stop trying to fix yourself with things that don’t matter—more stuff, more status, or other people’s opinions. God has already given you everything you need to walk confidently into your calling. Here’s what to do: Spend time reminding yourself what God says about you. When insecurity tries to creep in, stand firm on the Word of God. Write down affirmations based on Scripture, and speak them out loud! Your words carry power. Be confident in this truth: God chose you for this moment, this season, and this purpose. Let 2025 be the year you leave insecurity in the rearview mirror. You have too much ahead to let fear hold you back. 2. Complaining I’m going to be real with you: complaining is one of the fastest ways to keep yourself stuck. It focuses all your energy on what’s wrong instead of what God’s doing. And the Bible makes it clear: “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21a, NIV). What are you speaking over your life? Complaining doesn’t just create negativity; it’s a mindset. When you constantly dwell on the problems, you miss the solutions God is already providing. So, what’s the alternative? Gratitude. Gratitude is a weapon. It shifts your focus and aligns your thinking with God’s promises. Here’s how to flip the script: Start a gratitude list. Write down three things you’re thankful for every day. Train your mind to focus on what God is doing, not what isn’t going right. Catch yourself. When you start to complain, pause and say, “What can I be grateful for in this moment?” Get perspective. Ask yourself, “Is this going to matter a year from now?” Most of the time, the things we complain about aren’t worth the energy. When you retrain your mind to focus on the good, you’ll find that joy and strength naturally follow. The Bible says, “The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10b, NIV). Let’s lean into that joy in 2025. 3. Toxic Relationships We’ve all been there. Relationships can be a blessing, but some relationships weigh you down, pull you away from God’s plan, and drain your energy. Toxic relationships aren’t just in romantic settings. They can show up in friendships, family, or work environments too. If someone is constantly pulling you away from your purpose, making you question your worth, or keeping you from stepping into God’s best, it’s time to set some boundaries. And listen: this doesn’t mean cutting off people entirely. Boundaries don’t mean you stop loving people. They mean you stop letting their dysfunction control your life. Ask yourself: Is this relationship pushing me closer to God or pulling me away? Does this person consistently build me up, or do they tear me down? When you let go of relationships that aren’t aligned with where God is taking you, you make space for the right people—people who will encourage you, challenge you, and grow with you. I’m Sure You Can Think of More Things to Leave Behind… This list is just a starting point. Maybe for you, it’s leaving behind procrastination, negative thoughts, or the fear of failure. Maybe it’s doubt, pride, or the need to control everything. Whatever it is, take some time to reflect. Ask yourself: What’s holding me back from stepping into the life God has for me? We all have things we’ve been carrying for far too long—things that don’t belong in the next chapter of our lives. This year, don’t just focus on what you’re reaching for; get intentional about what you’re letting go of. There’s power in leaving behind what no longer (or never did) serve God’s purpose for you. Stepping Into 2025 Here’s the good news: You don’t have to navigate this alone. God didn’t design you to do life by yourself. Surround yourself with people who will speak life into you, remind you of God’s promises, and stand with you in faith. You won’t always get it right—and that’s okay. Nobody succeeds at everything all the time. But when you fall, God’s grace is there to pick you back up. He’s cheering you on, and so are Drenda and I. As we move forward into 2025, let’s leave behind insecurity, complaining, and toxic relationships. Instead, let’s embrace God’s truth, walk in gratitude, and surround ourselves with the right people. This is your year to step boldly into what God has called you to do. Let’s make it count.

Want Peace in Your Life? Here’s Where You Can Find It.

By Gary Keesee • December 11, 2024

Reading Time 6 mins 37 secs – What does “peace” look like for you? An illustrated children’s book that came out years ago told the story of an elephant mom who just wanted “five minutes’ peace” away from her energetic elephant children. For her, “peace” meant escaping alone to a warm bath with something to read, a cup of tea, some cake, and no interruptions. But in the end, she barely managed to get three minutes and forty-five seconds of the peace she sought. (And moms everywhere can probably relate to that.) Everyone’s definition of “peace” is different. For some people, peace does mean finally getting five minutes alone, but for others, it means being surrounded by family and friends. For others, finding peace means a getaway or a vacation, reaching a certain point financially, traveling less for a job, traveling more for a job, living closer to family, living farther from family, laying under the stars, feeling settled in a decision… the list is truly endless. If you had asked me years ago what peace looked like for me, I probably would’ve told you that it looked like getting out of the financial black hole I was in. But there was even more to it than that. You may have heard our backstory, but when Drenda and I got married, we were broke. I made money. I just didn’t make enough. Everything we had was used, broken, or worn out. We owed a lot of people a lot of money. Yes, we loved God. We really, truly loved God. I had an Old Testament degree, and we even led praise and worship at our church, but fear was my middle name. Everything that happened that required money set off emotional fires. I was having panic attacks. I couldn’t sleep at night. I had no peace. You may have also heard me tell a story about a time I had a tooth infection during those chaotic years, a really painful tooth infection. It was so painful that I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t think straight. To fight the pain, I took two Tylenol every four hours for several days in a row. One night, I was up trying to cope with the pain when I decided to read the Tylenol box for some reason. You can probably guess what happened. I read on the box that you’re not supposed to take Tylenol as frequently as I had been taking it. And that’s when fear really set in. OH NO, GARY! YOU’VE TAKEN TOO MUCH! I called Poison Control and told them I had taken two tablets of Tylenol too many for the last three days. The girl on the other end of the line said, “We have never had someone live that took that dosage. Either you drive yourself to the hospital, or I’m sending an ambulance after you right now.” No, I’m not kidding. She actually said that, and I actually believed her. So there I was in complete fear and panic, and I drove myself to the hospital. When I got to the emergency room, two guys were pacing back and forth out front, waiting for me. When I walked in, my name was already on the dry-erase board. It said, “Keesee—overdose.” Obviously, I didn’t overdose. In fact, a doctor came in after they ran a bunch of tests and asked me why I was even there. He said, “You don’t even have enough Tylenol in your system to cure a headache.” Yes, it’s funny now, but it sure wasn’t in the moment. My issue, however, was way bigger than a Tylenol scare. I was desperately trying to survive financially, emotionally, and even physically. I couldn’t seem to find peace, no matter how hard I tried. I know I’m not the only one who has been there. People are always looking for peace. There’s the mom whose kids keep fighting, the businessman with an unstable career, the young woman on antidepressants, the teenage boy on drugs, the couple that can’t ever agree on their finances, the grandmother who can’t sleep at night because she’s worrying about her family—they’re all hungry for peace. The world is hungry for peace. People will spend a lot of money and time searching for peace. We buy things, try to find moments, or strive to achieve something because we believe those things, moments, or achievements will bring peace. But peace can’t be found in any thing, place, or achievement. The word “peace” in Hebrew is “shalom,” which means wholeness, completeness, harmony, prosperity, welfare, security, and tranquility . Nothing is missing, and nothing is broken. It’s freedom from the distress experienced as a result of sin. Peace covers all of that. Jesus came to give us true peace. In John 14:27, Jesus tells the disciples that He’s leaving, but He’s leaving His peace with them. “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” —John 14:27 (KJV) Can you imagine what the disciples were thinking and saying? He can’t leave! He calmed the storm when we were on the boat! But He always knows how to calm our fears! He helped us understand priorities and what life was about! Every time we were afraid, He gave us courage! He healed so many and raised them from the dead! We can’t be confident without Him around! Do you remember when He told us how to pay our taxes? What are we going to do?!? You and I probably would have reacted the same way. After all, if you had one person to go to who had all the answers for every situation, who could calm your fears, and who could calm the storms in your life with just one word, how do you think you’d react if they said they were leaving you? Jesus said, “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid” because the disciples WERE troubled and afraid. Jesus was their peace. They didn’t know how to function without Him, or at least they thought they didn’t. But Jesus was trying to tell them He was leaving them a great gift. Yes, He was the Prince of Peace, but He had peace because of what He had on the inside—the Holy Spirit. And He told them, “My peace (Holy Spirit) I give to you.” The Holy Spirit is the One who counseled Jesus. Jesus walked by the power and peace of the Holy Spirit. Acts 10:38 tells us that Jesus was anointed by God. Jesus was one with the Father and could hear His voice. And He passed that on to YOU and ME . In John 14:26, Jesus says: “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” —John 14:26 (KJV) See that? God is the God of Peace because He’s the God of answers . He has given us the Holy Spirit, who knows exactly how to handle every situation. The Bible calls Him a “Comforter.” To comfort doesn’t mean to console, hug, and show your love for someone. What comforts you when you’re sick? Healing . What comforts you when you need money? Money . What comforts you when you need answers? Answers . Friend, the search for peace is over. You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character], because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation]. —Isaiah 26:3 (AMP) You DO have someone to go to who has every answer for every situation in your life . One who will calm your fears and the storms in your life and One who says He will never leave or forsake you.