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How to Deal with Difficult People

Drenda Keesee • Jul 17, 2019

Let’s talk about sharks…

Stick with me, this is going somewhere.

I’m not talking about the kind of sharks you see on Shark Week. I’m talking about the kind of sharks you meet in the workplace, in relationships, and even at church. (Yikes!)

Have you ever met a difficult person?

Somebody who was hard to please, critical, controlling, negative, or even rude?

Did a few people come to mind as soon as you read that?

When we meet sharks (note: it’s not usually obvious), we often try to jump through hoops to keep them happy. Been there, got the t-shirt, went back and got a few thousand more.

Gary and I have had to swim with many, many, MANY sharks in business, ministry, relationships, and friendships. During the first few years of running our business, our life often looked like a shark-feeding frenzy.

Honestly, a lot of it was my own fault.

Because I used to be a serial people pleaser. I hated making people unhappy.

Saying no was hard for me. Disappointing people was hard for me. Both of those things made running a business and ministry really hard for me.

When I met somebody who wasn’t happy with me, it became my personal mission to make them change their mind. Hello, can you say disaster waiting to happen?

I was performing for their approval.

It was like dropping blood in the middle of the ocean.

Sharks seemed to be coming from every direction to get a piece of me. As an insecure, timid leader, I was the perfect shark bait.

Gary and I agonized over putting our trust in the wrong people. We faced betrayals, accusations, and let people manipulate us out of time and money.

One day Gary came to me with tears in his eyes. “I wrote my resignation letter today,” he said, trying to fight back the crushing disappointment in his voice.

We were so close to giving everything up because of sharks.

It was CRITICAL that we learned how to deal with difficult people.

It’s critical for you too.

You may feel like quitting today, but I want to encourage you; there are answers.

Redefine Your Role

As a Christian, I used to think it was my job to make everyone happy.

NEWS FLASH: it’s not your job to make everyone happy. Only God can do that—He’s their answer, not you.

Through the years, I’ve learned a powerful secret about sharks…

Sharks don’t eat fish because of anything the fish do. They don’t eat fish because those fish aren’t good enough fish, or because those fish aren’t nice enough to the sharks.

Sharks eat fish simply because they’re SHARKS!

I learned this lesson the hard way. I didn’t know how to separate somebody else’s reactions from my identity.

Jesus was a perfect leader and friend, and even He offended people. John 15:18-19 (NIV) say,

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

There are people you will meet in life who will get offended with you no matter what you do. If you exhaust yourself trying to please them, you may delay it for a day, but the inevitable will come.

Romans 12:18 (NIV) says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Pay special attention to the middle of that Scripture: “As far as it depends on you. ” Peace in every relationship is not always within your power. People have responsibility too. Do as much as you can to live at peace with everyone, but don’t live in a state of people pleasing, fear, or intimidation.

You have to learn how to separate other people’s actions and reactions from YOUR identity.

And for the record, we can all demonstrate sharklike qualities from time to time. Especially when we’re hurting, tired, or operating out of our emotions.

 

Keep the Vision Ahead

When dealing with difficult people, you have to remember…

You can’t make everyone happy, and that’s okay. God never asked you to.

You’re on a mission.

You’re on assignment.

You can’t compromise your destiny to please people.

Jesus gives us an example of this in Luke 4:42-43 (NIV):

At daybreak, Jesus went out to a solitary place. The people were looking for him and when they came to where he was, they tried to keep him from leaving them. But he said, “I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent.”

How someone reacts when your obedience to God and the priorities He has placed in your life interfere with what they want from you isn’t a sign of your failure or unworthiness. It’s simply an indicator of an immaturity in them.

You have to stay obedient to the will of God anyway.

Give people grace, patience, and love, but don’t take false responsibility for other people’s offenses.

Keep swimming!

By Gary Keesee 10 Apr, 2024
Reading Time 2 mins 13 secs – In John 6, we read the story of Jesus feeding 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish. Do you know it? It’s where we see Jesus teaching the disciples how to release the Kingdom of God into the earth realm. Basically, a large crowd was following Jesus, listening to Him teach, and watching Him perform miracles. It got to a point where the people needed to eat, and Jesus asked the disciples what they planned to feed the people. Of course, Jesus knew the disciples would freak out. They couldn’t feed 5,000 people. In fact, they started talking about how it would take more than half a year’s wages to buy just a bite for that many people. Jesus was teaching the disciples, and He was teaching us— the Kingdom of God has all the answers you need . How can you release the Kingdom of God into your life? Here are the five steps Jesus took. 1. Look at what you have. Jesus asked the disciples what they had to feed the people. What do you have in your life that you can give God to work with? Jesus multiplied bread into bread and fish into fish. What do you need multiplied in your life? Find some of it. That’s your seed. Also, remember that money can be named. You don’t sow money to believe for more paper or digital money. Money represents your life and can be named to be the thing you need multiplied. 2. Make sure you’re in faith. “To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see” (Hebrews 11:1, GNT). You have to know how to judge whether or not you’re in faith. How? Do you have the right picture? When you close your eyes, what do you see? Do you see yourself with the thing you’re believing for? Can you defend your position? Why do you believe it? Prove it! Because you can be sure that between the “Amen” and the “There it is!” the enemy is going to contend for it, so you better be able to defend it. Do you have joy, expectancy, and peace? Are you in agreement with your spouse? 3. Confess over what you have, and release it in faith. Be specific. Say exactly what you’re believing for and release the seed to God. 4. Get the plan from God. Be ready for new direction, new ideas, and new concepts by revelation from the Holy Spirit. Carry a notepad and a pen. Write everything down. 5. Act quickly! When God gives you the plan, MOVE! It’s wise to have counselors and get wisdom, but you need to act swiftly on any direction you receive from the Holy Spirit.
By Gary Keesee 13 Mar, 2024
Reading Time 2 mins 34 secs – How can you make sure you’re equipped for the growth coming your way this year? Here are my 10 steps to posture yourself for opportunity and success. 1. Ask yourself how you’re handling your current responsibilities. Don’t run from your responsibilities. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, you should be a success. People will still see the evidence of God even if you think you’re in the wrong spot. 2. Detox your life of the things that keep you from having time to think. We live in a fast-paced world. There are plenty of things that can keep you distracted. But it’s in the moments that you stop to think that you’ll find ways to solve problems, and that’s where the opportunities are. So figure out what is consuming your time. Start saying no to some things. Find time to think. 3. Don’t hang around people who are always losing. I know people hit rough spots, but if the people in your life are chronically losing, it’s time to expand your circle. Hang around people who are better than you are, who don’t see things as impossible, and who have vision. It may be uncomfortable for you, but their influence will cause you to think differently. 4. Write down EVERY idea that you have, no matter how strange it seems. Most people filter opportunities and ideas through what they perceive their ability to be. This means most people discard ideas by the dozens because they don’t think they can do them. But God isn’t limited to what you know how to do. The ideas He gives you might seem so weird to you that you can’t process them fully. Write them down so you have time to think about them. 5. Research. Research. Repeat. You don’t need to know how to do something; you need to know how to learn how to do it. Research until you find what you’re looking for. 6. Count the cost before you jump. A lot of Christians hear God and jump out too soon, resulting in catastrophe. There are seasons for everything. God will prepare you for where He wants you to go. Be patient. 7. Always be in agreement with your spouse. Never, ever march out into battle without your spouse being in total agreement and your faith aligned. 8. Ask God for direction. Ask Him to help you, to show you where to go, and what to do. And always remember that prophecy from other people shouldn’t lead you; it should only confirm what God has already said to you. 9. Commit to never quit. Quitting is not an option. Once you’ve moved, don’t move again until God speaks to you. Stay with it. Walk it out. Don’t quit. So many people have so much potential, but they get uncomfortable and they quit. If you want to win, you should always be stretching. 10. Get ready to embrace bigger things. Your ability to see the big picture will keep growing as you change and grow on the inside. You’ll pick up on even more opportunities. For more principles, check out this FREE video on success.
By Drenda Keesee 14 Feb, 2024
Reading Time 2 mins 59 secs – A stuffed toy laid in the road at the scene of the accident. As we passed, the Lord spoke to me, “ Okay, this is your last warning. Are you going to continue this? You know you are opening the door to the enemy.” Gary and I had had a disagreement just before we had left the house for our family road trip. And there we were six hours in and we’d barely said a word to one another. Six hours. You think driving from Ohio to Tennessee is a long stretch of highway? Try doing it while giving someone the silent treatment. One word: torture. Then we passed the accident. Gary and I both felt the same conviction when we passed it, especially because it clearly involved children. But... pride. We knew what we were doing wasn’t good. (What kind of example is it to your children to ignore each other?) But neither of us wanted to lay down our pride. I kept hearing the voice of the Lord, and I’d think, No, I’m not going to fix this thing, because then I’ll have to talk to him. It was almost a competition to see who could hold our grudge for the longest. But strife is dangerous stuff. What is strife? Drama, conflict, friction, disagreement, bickering, arguing, bad blood, disputes… whichever words you use to describe it, it’s dangerous. Whether it’s between you and your spouse, you and your child, you and a friend, you and a family member, or you and a coworker, you don’t want to let strife remain in your life. The Bible says that where there is strife, there is confusion and there is every evil work (James 3:16). Our small argument between Gary and I had gone unchecked and had escalated, and neither one of us were listening to the voice of the Lord. And there were consequences for our strife and outright disobedience. About an hour after we passed the accident, a car pulled out in front of our vehicle, and we were in what could have been a very serious car accident. I started yelling the name of Jesus, and God supernaturally protected our entire family. Initially, it looked as though there were going to be serious issues. They told us our son’s spleen might rupture. I was pregnant, and the doctors worried that I might lose the baby. Through all of these things, we stood on the Word of God, and we all came out unharmed, including the young preacher’s son who had pulled out in front of us (he was in disobedience at that moment too). Even in the midst of this difficult situation, through our prayers, standing on God’s Word, and our children’s words to the medical personnel, we had opportunities to minister and impact the little county hospital we had to visit. The enemy tried to take us out, but he lost. We were responsible for opening the door to the enemy. But the name of Jesus is more powerful than our mistakes and circumstances, and that is what kept us protected. You MUST stay on guard and not allow strife in your life, with anyone. How? Here are just three quick tips: Bite your tongue. You don’t have to say everything you think. Don’t lash out or give the silent treatment. Work on communicating with others in a healthy way. Repent quickly and forgive quickly. Take responsibility; admit when you’re wrong. Say you’re sorry and ask for forgiveness. Don’t hold onto hurts. Forgive as you’ve been forgiven by Jesus.
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