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You Don’t Have to Be Alone to Feel Lonely

Drenda Keesee • Dec 12, 2019

Here’s the thing about loneliness—you don’t have to be alone to feel lonely.

You can have thousands of Facebook friends and Instagram followers, and be in the company of people constantly but still not feel emotionally close or connected to anyone. That’s how people can “party” constantly and still feel lonely.

There are so many ways to connect to others through social media. But people are reporting feeling more lonely than ever. How is this possible?

We have an innate need to connect with others on a human level. Yes, social media can help us keep connected with loved ones. But it can also help establish a fantasy where we put our best on display for others to see, and avoid face-to-face relationships where people can see our humanity, with all our faults and failures. It can also make others’ lives look more glamorous and enviable in comparison to our own.

Not the real deal.

Social media gives us the opportunity to build superficial “relationships” with acquaintances, or “friends,” by the boatload. But it can actually inhibit us from connecting on a deeper level with the people we have the greatest opportunity to find real depth with.

Studies actually show that addictions to social media sites actually trigger people to isolate themselves.

Social media should be one small aspect of your social life. If the sites you’re visiting aren’t improving your relationships or your quality of life, it’s time to make some changes.

Social media can even become an escape from face-time with family, children, and friends. Perhaps the real lure of social media relationships is to avoid having to build close relationships in-person and day-to-day. After all, superficial relationships don’t face the challenges that real relationships do.

It’s easier to “friend” someone on Facebook than to actually build a friendship, mentor others, or touch lives, and be touched as we do so.

Relationships require work. And that can be intimidating.

We risk rejection. Disclosure can be risky, and it’s usually easier not to take the chance. Fears of all kinds can keep us from sharing our hearts with others or caring and deeply trusting anyone. The fear of not connecting or being rejected by someone can cause us to put up walls, or worse yet, be competitive to prove our worthiness.

But building real, valuable relationships can only happen in a non-competitive atmosphere, where no one is trying to prove they’re worthy of love or have something to offer. Competition for acceptance can undermine honesty, trust, and loyalty—the stuff that all healthy, solid, and satisfying relationships must have to grow. Competitive relationships just aren’t satisfying. But yet we compete.

We’ve lost our way!

God created us and only He knows what will fulfill each of us and bring lasting peace and happiness to our lives. But we’ve ignored His design for life and lost our way in this world. Today, we have so many breakdowns in relationships that it’s no wonder so many people are unhappy with life.

We were created for relationship.

This just seems to be the time of year when it’s most evident that people all around us are missing out on the very relationships God intended each of us to have.

So many people today are lonely because they lack the mentorship and friendships that make this world navigable. These relationships give us people to celebrate life with, and people to support us in the hard times.

It IS possible to live life the way God Our Creator intended it to be lived and have the happy, healthy relationships He intended us to have.

We just need to turn our hearts to His Word and regain the “Titus Tradition” of the spiritually older women teaching the younger how to live life and love their husbands and their families (Titus 2:3-5). This holds true for men as well.

Women and men both need mentors .

God gave us incredible examples of mentorship in the Bible. Paul mentored Timothy as a son in the faith and helped him become his best, reaching his potential in Christ. Paul had to be willing to invest into Timothy, and Timothy had to be willing to receive instruction from Paul. And, instead of competing with his spiritual elder, Timothy submitted his heart to be trained by Paul. He didn’t resent Paul’s correction, but welcomed it with respect, acknowledging God’s plan to train him toward his destiny.

Ruth told Naomi that she would follow her and that whatever she chose, she would choose also. She said,

Wherever you go, I will go. Your people will be my people and your God my God.

Both Ruth and Timothy found God’s blessing and provision because they were both loyal to their mentors and were willing to serve beyond what most people would do—they went beyond the call. It wasn’t just about what they could each get for themselves. And their mentors wanted the best for them.

Paul exhibited honest leadership in his relationship with Timothy, and Timothy’s respect toward Paul earned him a place to be mentored. Paul’s mentorship of Timothy helped to carry the gospel further than Paul could reach by himself. Both were the benefactors of a healthy relationship.

You don’t have to do life alone.

Like Timothy and Ruth, we were never intended to carry the difficulties of life alone. There are those who have gone before us (mentors), and those who are walking the same path we are walking (friends). We need them both in order to become our best and enjoy the journey.

Sure, there are challenges to overcome in nearly every relationship. But if we choose our friends and mentors wisely, and make the commitment to be loyal, honest, trustworthy, grateful, and faithful, God can bless our lives with these relationships, and we can enjoy the journey together.

You can make real friends, laugh heartily, learn truth together, live whole, and love freely. When you come into God’s Kingdom, you come into a family—the family of God. This transformation should impact every relationship in your life. You can learn how to walk in the grace and empowerment that is yours in your marriage , family , home, friendships, and life.

God has answers for your connections to people.

Ultimately, our greatest joys come from relationships with those we love. There is an anointing from God to enjoy relationships. And you can have tremendous joy as you are empowered to be the friend, wife, husband, father, mother, mentor, and minister that God has called you to be.

Five Quick Tips to Build Healthy Relationships

1. Accept God’s love for you.

Grow in self-acceptance because you know He loves and accepts you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him.

2. Let God be the master architect in your life.

Let Him direct you to mentors and friends that can help you grow and change.

3. Be willing to submit your heart.

Be open to being trained and sharpened by others in a loyal, committed exchange, accepting that God will ask you to invest in and befriend others as you have been mentored.

4. Be friendly.

5. Be found faithful.

When you blow it, as we all inevitably will at some point , forgiveness and humility are the glue that will hold the relationship together. Invest in people God’s way. Free yourself from wrong expectations and hurtful words and actions.

 

The Power of Choice: How to Choose Happiness in Every Situation

By Gary Keesee • 08 May, 2024
Reading Time 3 mins 43 secs – Are you happy right now? Or are you feeling a little grumpy, or negative, or sorry for yourself? We’ve all been there. Years ago, I had one of those months. Yes, I said months , not days. I was negative. I was feeling sorry for myself. The weight and pressures of life and certain situations were bearing down on me. For some reason, during that time, I went to a conference I really didn’t feel like going to, and the speaker got up and said he was going to talk about being thankful. Great , I thought. Just what I want to hear. What I really wanted was for someone to join me in my pity party. But that wasn’t happening. Because God knew that wasn’t what I needed. He knew I needed someone to tell me the truth. See, I had taken my eyes off of all of the blessings of God. I had stopped remembering all of the amazing times He had come through for me. I had taken my focus off of His promises and put it on my problems. That message was just what I needed. The Holy Spirit dealt with me right then about my heart and how I had been ungrateful. I had to repent. God set me free that day. Here’s the thing: studies show that when you’re happy and thankful , you have 17% more friends. When you’re happy, you live longer and you have less health problems like heart attacks, strokes, colds, the flu, and even pain. Being grateful also strengthens your emotions, makes you more optimistic and less self-centered, improves your sleep, increases your self-esteem and your energy, helps you bounce back after a setback, reduces feelings of envy, helps your marriage, makes you look better, and makes you more productive. Proverbs 17:22 (KJV) says, “ A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones .” See that? Happiness is like medicine. Discouragement sucks the life out of you. Are you reading this and thinking, “ Gary, you don’t know what I’m going through. I have serious problems” ? I understand. But here’s the thing: happiness is not circumstantial. Happiness is a choice you make. I hear it all the time… “Gary, you don’t understand. I hate my house.” Sell it. “Gary, you don’t get it. I hate my job.” Quit it. Find a new one. “Gary, I just hate my life.” CHANGE it. You’re not stuck. You have options. Every single day, you make choices to do something or NOT do something. And you have plenty of reasons to be happy. Stop thinking you can only be happy when everything seems “perfect.” Because “perfect” is really rare, and I do mean really rare. In fact, odds are there will always be something in your life that isn’t “perfect.” The good news is, no matter what you go through or deal with in life, you can still be thankful and happy, because you can always trust God despite your circumstances. Philippians 4:6 (NIV) says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God .” Wait. Did you see what that said? Notice it didn’t say, “Only be anxious about the big things you can’t handle on your own.” Nope. It says don’t be anxious about anything . It also says by prayer—and with thanksgiving —present your requests to God. That means you should be thanking Him for all He’s already done and for what He’s about to do in your situation. You should be thanking Him before your answer shows up, because He’s faithful and good. Look at Judges 20:19–25. There, we see the nation of Israel suffering great loss after a huge battle. They had lost 22,000 men. 22,000. Can you even imagine? I’m sure you’ll agree that that was a really bad day. Then, on the second day of battle, they lost 18,000 more men. 40,000 men lost in two days. The Bible tells us they took a day off at that point. They stopped and regrouped. Then, in verse 26, we see that the entire army presented offerings of thanksgiving to God. Things had gone really wrong, and they needed to remind themselves that God was for them, that He is good and faithful, that He was with them. And the next day, they went out and won the battle. So, what about you, friend? Do you need to stop? Do you need to take your mind off the negative and remind yourself that God is for you, that He is good and faithful, and that He is with you?

5 Steps to Release the Kingdom in Your Life

By Gary Keesee • 10 Apr, 2024
Reading Time 2 mins 13 secs – In John 6, we read the story of Jesus feeding 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish. Do you know it? It’s where we see Jesus teaching the disciples how to release the Kingdom of God into the earth realm. Basically, a large crowd was following Jesus, listening to Him teach, and watching Him perform miracles. It got to a point where the people needed to eat, and Jesus asked the disciples what they planned to feed the people. Of course, Jesus knew the disciples would freak out. They couldn’t feed 5,000 people. In fact, they started talking about how it would take more than half a year’s wages to buy just a bite for that many people. Jesus was teaching the disciples, and He was teaching us— the Kingdom of God has all the answers you need . How can you release the Kingdom of God into your life? Here are the five steps Jesus took. 1. Look at what you have. Jesus asked the disciples what they had to feed the people. What do you have in your life that you can give God to work with? Jesus multiplied bread into bread and fish into fish. What do you need multiplied in your life? Find some of it. That’s your seed. Also, remember that money can be named. You don’t sow money to believe for more paper or digital money. Money represents your life and can be named to be the thing you need multiplied. 2. Make sure you’re in faith. “To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see” (Hebrews 11:1, GNT). You have to know how to judge whether or not you’re in faith. How? Do you have the right picture? When you close your eyes, what do you see? Do you see yourself with the thing you’re believing for? Can you defend your position? Why do you believe it? Prove it! Because you can be sure that between the “Amen” and the “There it is!” the enemy is going to contend for it, so you better be able to defend it. Do you have joy, expectancy, and peace? Are you in agreement with your spouse? 3. Confess over what you have, and release it in faith. Be specific. Say exactly what you’re believing for and release the seed to God. 4. Get the plan from God. Be ready for new direction, new ideas, and new concepts by revelation from the Holy Spirit. Carry a notepad and a pen. Write everything down. 5. Act quickly! When God gives you the plan, MOVE! It’s wise to have counselors and get wisdom, but you need to act swiftly on any direction you receive from the Holy Spirit.

Want Growth and Success? Here Are 10 Steps to Help Take You There

By Gary Keesee • 13 Mar, 2024
Reading Time 2 mins 34 secs – How can you make sure you’re equipped for the growth coming your way this year? Here are my 10 steps to posture yourself for opportunity and success. 1. Ask yourself how you’re handling your current responsibilities. Don’t run from your responsibilities. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, you should be a success. People will still see the evidence of God even if you think you’re in the wrong spot. 2. Detox your life of the things that keep you from having time to think. We live in a fast-paced world. There are plenty of things that can keep you distracted. But it’s in the moments that you stop to think that you’ll find ways to solve problems, and that’s where the opportunities are. So figure out what is consuming your time. Start saying no to some things. Find time to think. 3. Don’t hang around people who are always losing. I know people hit rough spots, but if the people in your life are chronically losing, it’s time to expand your circle. Hang around people who are better than you are, who don’t see things as impossible, and who have vision. It may be uncomfortable for you, but their influence will cause you to think differently. 4. Write down EVERY idea that you have, no matter how strange it seems. Most people filter opportunities and ideas through what they perceive their ability to be. This means most people discard ideas by the dozens because they don’t think they can do them. But God isn’t limited to what you know how to do. The ideas He gives you might seem so weird to you that you can’t process them fully. Write them down so you have time to think about them. 5. Research. Research. Repeat. You don’t need to know how to do something; you need to know how to learn how to do it. Research until you find what you’re looking for. 6. Count the cost before you jump. A lot of Christians hear God and jump out too soon, resulting in catastrophe. There are seasons for everything. God will prepare you for where He wants you to go. Be patient. 7. Always be in agreement with your spouse. Never, ever march out into battle without your spouse being in total agreement and your faith aligned. 8. Ask God for direction. Ask Him to help you, to show you where to go, and what to do. And always remember that prophecy from other people shouldn’t lead you; it should only confirm what God has already said to you. 9. Commit to never quit. Quitting is not an option. Once you’ve moved, don’t move again until God speaks to you. Stay with it. Walk it out. Don’t quit. So many people have so much potential, but they get uncomfortable and they quit. If you want to win, you should always be stretching. 10. Get ready to embrace bigger things. Your ability to see the big picture will keep growing as you change and grow on the inside. You’ll pick up on even more opportunities. For more principles, check out this FREE video on success.
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