RELATIONSHIPS

Reading Time 4 mins 26 secs – By Drenda Keesee “I’m so tired of picking up your laundry!” “You overspent again!” “You never make time for me!” How many times have you said something like that to your spouse?
Or wanted to say something like that to them? How often do you allow yourself to get into a pattern of bickering with your spouse over things like money, household responsibilities, how often you talk to your mother (yes, I wrote that), how often you have sex (yes, I wrote that too), or other issues? If you’ve ever fallen into a pattern of bickering with your spouse, you know how easy it is to stay there. And that’s just what the enemy wants. Because he knows that if he can keep you fighting over the dirty laundry, who’s on bath duty, who spends more money, or anything else, then he can keep you out of unity and away from your inheritance in the Kingdom of God. The enemy’s greatest goal is to divide and conquer; and too often, we let him into our marriages. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our fight is not against human enemies but against the rulers of the darkness of this world. Why do we forget that? Why are we willing to practically wage war with the person we’re supposed to love the most over the most insignificant things? Are the petty things like him not emptying the trash or her buying that extra pair of earrings really worth you missing out on the promises of God? No! So, how do you stop looking at your spouse as your enemy and build unity in your marriage? Here are my top 13 tips: 1. Make sure there’s no sin in your life.
 Sin destroys unity—not just between you and your spouse but between you and God. Confess it, and eliminate it from your life. 2. Don’t compare yourself or your spouse to others.
 No couple is perfect, and no person is perfect. Don’t be deceived into believing the grass is greener anywhere else. Remember, you only see people’s public faces, not their private struggles. 3. Focus on the positive in your spouse.
 We ALL have faults. Sadly, it’s human nature to hide our own faults but to point out the weaknesses in others. God sees both you and your spouse as valuable. Try looking at your spouse the same way. Find positive things to focus on and things to be grateful for. 4. Pay attention to what you’re saying.
 Use your words to build up, not tear down. Your words are seeds that will produce fruit. Don’t say things like, “You never …” or “You always ….” Realize how much power your words have to build unity in your marriage or destroy it. 5. Pray together. If you’ve never prayed together, or if it’s been awhile, it WILL be awkward and uncomfortable. Do it anyway. 6. Learn more about the differences between you and your spouse as a man and a woman.
 It’s not hard to see that we communicate differently. The more you understand that, and work on it, the less communication breakdowns will occur in your marriage. 7. Squash selfishness. Really think about whether you’re placing your needs over those of your spouse. Selfishness can easily squash any hopes of unity. Squash it first. 8. Forgive. Holding onto an offense or hurt does nothing to help you. It only turns into bitterness. I love this quote from Ruth Bell Graham: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” 9. Apologize. Say you’re sorry first. Being too prideful to admit when you’re wrong only builds walls of separation in your relationship. 10. Work at being a good friend. This is a big one. All too often, we work more at being a good friend to our friends, but we stink at being a good friend to our spouse. Change that. Figure out your spouse’s love language and communicate it. Make plans to do something fun together. Be the friend to your spouse that you want him/her to be to you . 11. Set goals together and accomplish them as a team. Many of us show ourselves as valuable team members at work, in class, and in sports, but we’d be downright embarrassed if those same people saw how we work ( or don’t work ) together with our spouses. Change! 12. Have sex! It’s sad that I even need to include this, but it’s an issue that impacts the unity of so many marriages! Remember that the marriage bed is the healing oil that makes the two one flesh. 13. Commit, or recommit , your marriage to God. Last, but definitely not least, this is the most important tip . God can help you recognize when your marriage is under attack, free you from any insecurities or failures that are preventing you from being one in your relationship, and give you an understanding of His design for marriage. Marriage isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. There will be bumps in the road. There will be times when all you want to do is give up. But as someone who has been married for more than 41 years, I can tell you that working through your differences and fighting for your marriage is well worth the effort. The reward is so much greater than the struggles. Make the decision to apply these tips to your marriage regardless of whether your spouse reciprocates or is accepting of the change in you. It’s YOUR actions that will win his/her heart over.

Reading Time 4 mins 7 secs – Are you saved? Have you forgotten how that happened? Think about it. Did someone preach hellfire and brimstone to you, or did someone show you they loved you? Did they hand you a Bible and send you on your way, or did they spend some time with you? Did their example make you want to run or make you want what they had? Which of these people are YOU for other people? It’s easy to forget that WE have what the world needs. It’s easy to get focused on ourselves, on our busy lives, and on just doing life and church. It’s very easy to forget what we’re here for. As “The Church,” we’re called to live lives of worship and of service and to show Jesus to others. We were made to glorify God, know Him, be involved with others in the church, and to go out into the lost and dying world, sharing the love of Jesus, and making a difference. I talk about “marketplace ministry” often, because God didn’t create everyone to work and do ministry in a literal church building. No, He created each of us to minister to others in the marketplace—in places like our jobs, our businesses, our neighborhoods, and our schools. Look at Matthew 28:18-20. Jesus is talking to His disciples. He had spent three and a half years investing in their lives, and He had something important to say. He told them to GO and make disciples of all the nations. He told them to reach OUT. That’s the same directive you have as a modern-day disciple of Jesus. That makes a lot of Christians uncomfortable. After all, we’re not all evangelists, right? Studies tell us that only 2-3% of the body of Christ are actually evangelists. And the Bible only mentions it twice. So, most of us aren’t evangelists. But there is a difference between a gift and a role . The gift of an evangelist is a gift from God where you’re anointed to be and do something, but we’re ALL called to fulfill the role of evangelism. So, how do we do it? How do we avoid all the uncomfortable, awkward moments? It’s very simple. You invest your time and you invite . Invest your time in people. Spend time with them. Invite them to have a cookout or get coffee. Invite them to come to church. Invite them to join a small group. Invite them to meet you at the playground with their kids or to bring their kids to VBS at your church. Investing in someone else takes intentionality and effort. We’ve got to invest some time in people’s lives. Sure, cold turkey evangelism works some of the time, but what works ALL of the time is when people find genuine love and concern. Think about it. What might happen if you began to invest in those relationships that you already have and reach the people you already know? What might happen if you started to really pay attention to the people where you live, shop, play, and eat? When was the last time you invited someone to church? When was the last time you sat down with someone that doesn’t go to church and had a coffee and mentioned God? Do you even know anyone who doesn’t go to church? (Are you starting to sweat?) Friend, we HAVE to show people that they matter, and we HAVE to show people that we’re normal. We’re here building families, doing life, and overcoming struggles by the grace of God, and people need to see it. Otherwise, they’re completely entitled to think Christians are weird. Seriously. Most people out there in the world think that we’re nuts. They think we don’t have any answers. There’s usually one quack “Christian” out there at their school, their job, or in their family—somebody that’s crazy, that doesn’t honor God, or love people—and that’s the only example they’ve seen. The world needs to see Jesus. The woman at the well knew this. After she talked to Jesus, she went back to the city and told the men to come and see the man who told her everything she ever did. She told the guys, and they headed to see Jesus. At the same time, the disciples were talking to Jesus. He told the disciples to lift up their eyes and look because the harvest was white right now. It was ready, and He wanted them to stop waiting. Right then, a flood of men with white turbans on their heads was coming out of the city. They were coming to see Jesus. They were the harvest. But they were Samaritans—they didn’t get along with the Jews. The disciples saw them as problems. Who do you see as a problem? See, too often, we’re blind to the harvest. That’s why Jesus said, “ Lift up your eyes. ” Don’t live blind to the harvest, or focused on yourself, or too busy, or just “doing” church. Lift up your eyes. SEE the overlooked, underappreciated, hurting, rejected people around you. And get busy investing and inviting.

Reading Time 5 mins –  Merry Christmas! The Christmas season has always been one of my absolute favorite times of the year. For me, it’s always been a great time to slow down and really reflect on what God did through Jesus. This year, it seems even more important that we take time to do that. Of course, I also love all the extra time with my family and the special traditions we’re making, especially now that Drenda and I are grandparents (of nine, and soon to be 10 next year!). How do you celebrate Christmas? Are you like me and desire to slow down, or do you prefer to load your calendar with parties, activities, and events through New Year’s Day? Do your holiday celebrations involve family, friends (old and new), or strangers as you serve others somewhere? Here’s the thing: No matter how different or alike we are in the way we spend the Christmas season, there is one thing most all of us share more so at this time of year than at any other, and that’s a desire to bless and care for those who are less fortunate or hurting. This has been a hard year for a lot of people. We’ve been through a lot in 2020. But at Faith Life Now, we’ve seen and heard SO MANY incredible stories of people helping people— with generosity, kindness, and love. It’s Christmas time. This is when everyone seems to pay a little more attention to their loved ones and those in need. That’s why I’m writing a blog like this... As a friend and supporter of Faith Life Now, this Christmas season, you can change a life. There are so many people all around the world who are hurting and desperate for help and for hope. You can do something about it. My heart is to get the principles and promises of the Kingdom of God into your hands and heart. I love to tell the stories of people whose lives have been radically changed after they learned how the Kingdom operates. Drenda and I have said that just ONE experience with the Kingdom of God can completely change a life. That one experience doesn’t have to be huge; it can be as simple as having a need met—a need for a hot meal, a personal care or hygiene item, a need for school supplies—or as simple as supporting a community by providing Christmas care packages to children and their families. That’s what your giving is doing. YOU are helping to draw people into the Kingdom of God. YOU are making a difference every day . When you give financially to Faith Life Now, your gift contributes to worldwide outreaches that feed the hungry, clothe the homeless, rescue those trapped in human trafficking, provide safe homes, care for orphans and abandoned children, share the Gospel in prisons, translate teaching materials into multiple languages, provide disaster relief, and so much more. When you support Faith Life Now, you GIVE HOPE and REBUILD LIVES. You’ve probably heard the saying, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” I look at missions and outreaches in a similar way—through missions and outreaches, we give men, women, and children food, water, shelter, and clothing to “feed” them for a day, to satisfy their immediate needs, so that we can “teach them to fish” by sharing the Word of God, how the Kingdom of God operates, and how they can tap into the Kingdom to obtain God’s provision. Every year at Christmas time, I read Isaiah 9 with my family. It’s one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned. You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy; they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest, as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder. For as in the day of Midian’s defeat, you have shattered the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. Every warrior’s boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this. —Isaiah 9:2-7 (NIV) These Scriptures are so powerful, and not just because they’re about the celebration of Jesus’s birth. There’s much more history here. See, the Israelites were being oppressed. They had done evil in the sight of God. He had turned them over to the hands of their enemy—the Midianites—for seven years. The Israelites had been outnumbered thousands to one. They had been held hostage. Nothing was working in their favor. Desperate, they had resorted to living in survival mode in caves in the mountains. They had no hope for their futures. Then, God showed up. He used a man named Gideon to defeat their oppressors and to make things right despite the Israelites’ past mistakes. The battle was finished, and an entire nation was set free. The Bible says the birth of Jesus is like that day—a day of GREAT FREEDOM, a day of salvation and rejoicing. God sent Jesus as a baby as a part of His greatest undercover rescue mission, to usher His government back into the earth realm and to rescue ALL OF US from the darkness. Like the Israelites, you have been set FREE! Just as God empowered Gideon, He will empower you—to help others experience freedom and to bring hope to those who have lost hope. As sons and daughters of God, we are called to help the hurting and those “walking in darkness” to see The Great Light that is Jesus. It’s so important that we’re boldly asking for you to give a special, generous financial gift today . Your gift to Faith Life Now ensures that the mission projects and outreaches reach farther and deeper into the world. . Thank you in advance for your generosity. This is an exciting time as we join together to change even more lives in 2021! As a special thank you, we’ve opened the Faith Life Now vault for YOU … When you give your best gift of $35 or more this month, we’ll immediately send you THE LIFE-TRANSFORMING SERIES THAT STARTED IT ALL— The NOW Revolution 2.0 . The NOW Revolution 2.0 is where it all began. This teaching will take you back to the basics. It’s packed with the Kingdom principles that set Drenda and me free. In fact, The NOW Revolution 2.0 is THE SERIES that prompted the launch of both Faith Life Church and Faith Life Now. It’s the perfect companion for your kingdom learning to pull from the Faith Life Now vault to refresh you for the year ahead. Plus, as an additional bonus when you give your best gift of $35 or more this month, you’ll also receive our brand-new 2021 Kingdom Thoughts Wall Calendar ! Want to help support these outreaches and missions but can’t give $35? When you give your best gift of ANY AMOUNT this month, we’ll send you Drenda’s teaching Setting Your Life Goals as well as our 2021 Kingdom Thoughts Wall Calendar! Thank you in advance for your generosity! Remember, you ARE changing lives! Merry Christmas, and God bless you!

There I was getting my nails done when I remembered… I had left a pan of boiling vinegar on the stove! Almost TWO HOURS AGO! FIRE! Would the fire department be at our house for the SECOND TIME in the same week?! You’ll want to read this whole crazy story in my brand new book, Nasty Gets Us Nowhere , but I want to share it with you here because it really shows something we ALL have done, and maybe still do... ...something critically important that we need to talk about, especially right now, with the direction our culture has been going. I was away from Gary ministering in Puerto Rico for a Happy Life kids’ outreach event, helping restore hope to a community that had been ravaged by hurricanes, when I got a call from our home security company. Mrs. Keesee, a fire has been detected in your home. What?!? A FIRE?!? I knew Gary was supposed to be home, but the home security company hadn’t been able to reach him. I told them that he might be deer hunting and told them to go ahead and dispatch the fire department. I was concerned and I prayed, but knew there was nothing else I could do from that far away. So I turned my focus back to the children’s event. Later, Gary texted me that everything was okay. He told me he had just started to cook his breakfast and left it to simmer while he stepped outside to hang up his deer. What he didn’t realize was that the simmer setting was hot enough to burn his food, let alone start a fire. A few days later, Gary picked me up from the airport and we had breakfast and did some much overdue Christmas shopping. When we arrived home that evening, I knew right away that something was terribly wrong. Smoke. If you’ve ever burnt a bag of popcorn in the microwave, you know what our house smelled like. Well, this smoke stench was WAY WORSE than burnt popcorn, and it was in every room of our house. I couldn’t hide that I was annoyed. It was a week before Christmas and the house smelled terrible. “I can’t believe you almost caught our house on fire! I better not leave you home alone again,” I teased Gary. I knew he was already embarrassed, but he could’ve burnt the house down a week before Christmas! I thought I needed to remind him of the lesson he had already learned. Ugh. The rest of the evening, I searched for ways to get the smell out of our house. Several websites suggested boiling white vinegar with water, so that’s what I did. The following morning, I did it again, but it wasn’t helping. Our house still reeked with that awful, smoky smell. Later that morning, while I was getting my nails done, my nail technician asked if anything exciting had happened that week. I began to tell her about the kids’ event in Puerto Rico and then Gary’s pan fire. (I don’t make it a practice to share my husband’s mistakes, but with the smell still stuck up my nose, the fire was still very much on my mind.) FIRE!!!! That’s the moment I remembered I had left a pan of boiling vinegar on the stove! Almost two hours ago! You’ll have to read the rest of the story in Nasty Gets Us Nowhere , but I will tell you this: Our house smelled worse than ever. And what did I learn? I had done the SAME thing Gary did. I almost burned our house down. I had teased him and shamed him a bit for what he had done, and now I had done the exact same thing. We do this same thing all too often—we judge, blame, and faultfind, but we make the same mistakes others make or do the same things we complain about them doing. Rather than seeing ourselves clearly, we MAGNIFY and emphasize the failures and shortcomings of others but minimize our own. And sometimes we get downright nasty with each other. Think about it. How many times have you been trying to get your point across with a neighbor, a coworker, the server who messed up your dinner order, the customer service rep on the phone, the combative person on Facebook…? Or maybe you’re always kind to the people outside of your home, but it’s a slippery slope with the people you live with and are supposed to love the most? The bottom line is that being nasty gets YOU nowhere. AND NASTY ISN’T GOING TO GET US ANYWHERE AS BELIEVERS RIGHT NOW IN OUR NATION AND IN THIS CULTURE. What WILL get us somewhere? What will change things? Is there ever a time you should be nasty? I answer all of these questions and more in my brand new book, Nasty Gets Us Nowhere . But let me share this: For us to see real change in our world, we MUST heal our fractures and unite as women and men succeeding together for the kingdom of God. We are living in the hour in which God desires to pour out His Spirit on all the earth, through His sons and daughters, but it won’t happen unless women and men under His voice are unified for one purpose. We can’t fulfill our God-ordained destiny without working together, and we MUST start in our marriages and families or we will never be able to impact our nation. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28) Friend, people are flawed and imperfect, but treating each other with nastiness is never the answer. I know it’s been really easy, with everything going on in the world, to get caught up in emotions and to easily MAGNIFY and emphasize the failures and shortcomings of others. But nasty has gotten us nowhere. It’s only resulted in even more stress, confusion, and brokenness. We have to stop being nasty before we destroy everything. We CAN succeed together … and much of our happiness depends on it. Working together won’t always be easy, but I believe with the grace of God backing you, it is possible! ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Marriage, and other relationships, don’t have to be hard. Drenda's brand new book, Nasty Gets Us Nowhere , promises to be one of the most thought-provoking books of the year. Learn how you can succeed with the men and women in your life! Get your copy here.

This blog was originally shared in our exclusive Team Revolution Partnership articles, but I went ahead and shared it as a special feature around the holidays this past year, just to remind us what we're really here for as we got together with family and friends who we may not always see eye-to-eye with. Now, in light of all that is happening in our world, we need to be reminded of this more than ever. Enjoy this special guest post from my friend, Dave Anderson.

It was Father’s Day, and I was frustrated. We were visiting Drenda’s parents and going to church with them. We were running behind, and my son Tom, who was about four-years-old at the time, couldn’t find his shoes. Not again. We don’t have time for this. Tom was always losing his shoes. It was the last straw. A four-year-old should know better, right? So, I talked to Tom, and I was harsh. I didn’t use bad language, but I did say things like I can’t believe you always do this , and why can’t you just.... He cried. My words and actions made Tom cry. He cried hard . His big sister found his shoes, and we loaded into our van to get to church. Tom was in the backseat still crying. At the time, I remember thinking it was good for him. He needed to learn a lesson. So, he went in to the kids area at church still crying, and I went in to the adult area without us saying a word to each other. Remember, it was Father's Day? Man, the Holy Spirit completely nailed me as the pastor read from God’s Word and shared what it meant to be a good father. The Holy Spirit whispered to me, Gary, you have a problem. You have to deal with this. Then, I was the one crying. And I was the first one at the altar. I knew I needed help. I knew I needed God to teach me how to be a good father. Service ended, and we were waiting for the children to be released. I spotted Tom right away. He was jumping up and down in the crowd of kids. He was looking for me. When he spotted me, his little face just lit up, and he ran directly to me and hugged my leg and started crying again. Now, this is where I always fall apart when I tell this story. Because even after all of these years, it’s still a painful reminder of the way I was. Tom looked up at me and said, “Daddy, I’m sorry I lost my shoe.” The little guy had sat through the whole church service thinking there was something wrong with him ; that his daddy was mad at him; that he can never get things right. I had made him feel condemned because he misplaced his shoes. I can’t even find my keys a lot of days and I made a four-year-old feel condemned. Then, Tom showed me what was in his little hand. The little guy had drawn me a Father’s Day picture to try to make me happy, to try to make me happy with him . I was so wrong. I picked Tom up and hugged him and told him, “No, Tom. Your daddy is wrong. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” This lesson I learned the hard way—ask for forgiveness and forgive—goes hand-in-hand with Lesson #4 from 6 Things I Learned the Hard Way , “You can’t do it alone.” Because people get on each other’s nerves. We don’t see eye-to-eye. We talk too much. We get things wrong. We do things that offend each other. We must be quick to ask for forgiveness and quick to forgive. Why? Jesus instructed us in Mark 11:22-25 to: Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Unforgiveness stops the Kingdom of God in your life. That alone should prevent forgiving others from ever being optional for you. In Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus tells the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. "The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” You and I are represented by the servant who had all of his debt forgiven. And, just like that guy, we have absolutely no excuse not to forgive others after all that we’ve been forgiven for. If we don’t forgive, we separate ourselves from God and give Satan an advantage over us (2 Corinthians 2:10-11). And if stopping the Kingdom from advancing in your life, separating yourself from God, and giving the enemy an advantage over you aren’t enough to make you go around forgiving everyone for everything, you should also know that unforgiveness is poison . It will eat at you from the inside out like a spiritual cancer. It will affect your health and every other relationship in your life whether you intend it to or not. It’s life and death. You must deal with it on both sides. Ephesians 4:26-27 says not to let the sun go down on your anger or give the devil any such foothold or opportunity. Say you’re sorry to those you’ve hurt or offended, and forgive others quickly when you’ve been hurt or offended, whether they’ve said they were sorry or not. Jesus told us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (Matthew 6:12) And He didn’t mean financial debts. Romans 13:8-10 says, Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. We’re expected to love others. There are multiple Scriptures that also tell us to feed our enemies, do good to those who hate us, bless them that curse us, and do good to those who mistreat us. Why? Because if you can feed someone and do good toward them, it demonstrates that you have no unforgiveness toward them. See, Satan doesn’t have to tempt you to murder someone or steal. He just has to get you offended and walking in unforgiveness. Then, he has you outside of love and outside of God’s legal jurisdiction. That’s why 1 Peter 3 says that husbands and wives need to walk in love with each other and not to let unforgiveness hinder their prayers. We have the potential to pick up an offense every single day, multiple times a day —in traffic, with our family and friends, at our jobs, in line at the post office. In fact, offense is the most effective way the enemy pulls people out of the Kingdom of God’s legal jurisdiction. And he’s not going to stop trying. He’ll keep using people to try to get you walking in unforgiveness, and he’ll use you to offend others. No one is exempt. He even tried it with Jesus. Don’t give in. Ask God to help you overlook offenses and be quick to ask for forgiveness and forgive. ________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Excerpted from Gary's book 6 Things I Learned the Hard Way , a small book guaranteed to make a big impact on your life.

Hurt feelings destroy so many relationships. We all do and say things that often unintentionally hurt another. And in the course of life and relationships, our own feelings get hurt. Most of these slights and misunderstandings are just that, misunderstandings. There is the occasional intentional offensive action, but much of the time it's unintentional. At least that's the way it used to be. Today we see people taking to social media to say abusive things, curse profusely at those who don't agree with them, or say things with innuendos because they are too cowardly to discuss their offense one-on-one with the person ( which is the only way to seek resolution by the way ). It's sad to see how mean-spirited and intolerant some people can be while demanding tolerance for "their" views. While we can't change this in others, we can work on our relationships, and ourselves. After years of working with people and observing my own shortcomings, I've come to the conclusion that our egos (pride) gets in the way of relationships. We're all looking for others to make us feel special, valued, and even exceptional; and when others fail to do what we need, we get our feelings hurt, we retreat, or sulk, or punish the other person with our withdrawal. I've watched friendships be destroyed, marriages broken, families devastated, businesses fail, and worse, God's Kingdom hindered, because we bruise easily and our pride keeps us from mending the hurts. Social media has created an opportunity for people to take their hurts to a whole new level of name-calling. For a generation that has been indoctrinated with tolerance messaging, when their toes get stepped on, they are the most intolerant versions of themselves. It's that type of pride that makes us expect the OTHER person to fix things while neglecting any personal responsibility. Of course that's the message being pushed in this hour, to live for the moment and do what feels good instead of what is right because it's right. The culture is out of control, and we can't afford to fall into their divisive worldly attitudes, which lead to rebellious ways. There is a way that seems right but ends in destruction. If we follow celebrity culture, we will end up with their results—over 80 percent divorce rates and the highest incidences of drug/alcohol abuse and early deaths/suicides. And these are our role models? They're the ones who tell us how to believe and how to vote, what's right and what's wrong? They’re supposed to be role models for our lives and children? I don't think so! Yet they are fueling the division they scream against. That's the confusion of the hour. In the last days, people will be lovers of self, lovers of pleasure, lovers of money, abusive, slanderers, disobedient to parents, boastful, and proud. Sound familiar? To stay true to God's purpose for lives, we must divorce celebrity values and realign our beliefs and actions with something higher than paid actors. I've been married 34 years and have raised a successful family and experienced solid financial freedom while all along the way struggling to swim upstream—with the culture quick to mow my family down if allowed. We continue to experience a good life because we didn't take the short route to success through compromise. We were tempted at times, and, yes, there was a price to go against the grain, but I'm grateful we did! Sure, we've made some mistakes along the way, but God has a way of helping us all course correct when we correct our attitudes and humble ourselves before His Word and ways. A female minister said on social media, "We don't need more truth tellers..." I couldn't disagree more. We do need to tell the truth (with love). It is the truth that sets people free. Jesus is not a way to truth; He is THE way. We must be careful to say the truth with the least offense, but it has to be truth nonetheless. And expect it will often be offensive to those who are rebelling against it. I'm so glad someone told me the truth when I was a mixed-up, young woman headed down a road of destruction. I heard it. I heeded the correction, and today my life has the fruit of my changed choices. We must make sure our ways mirror the Word of God if we are going to live free and inherit the blessings of God for our lives. This is not the hour to compromise to keep from getting our feelings hurt. And at the same time, we shouldn't be on a mission to blast people with offensive actions or attitudes. The enemy is looking for an open door in all of our lives. Getting our feelings hurt and harboring an offense over it is the number one way I know he enters lives—next to blatant disobedience or rebellion. What should we do when we get our feelings hurt? First, pray. Pray and ask God to help you sort through your hurt. Hurt usually leads to offense, then anger, and then paybacks through disloyalty and betrayal. Which phase of the pathway are you at? God always helps us see things through His eyes. It minimizes the offense and helps us see our lack of innocence in the situation. I once saw a Facebook post where a Christian was calling out another Christian for saying some offensive things and for judging a situation unfairly and being insensitive. Of course, people began to pile on the offenses, insults, and judgments and suggesting paybacks to justify their friend's hurt. It was clear that they were all guilty of the very thing that they had accused the other person of in the first place. Prayer helps us see things as they are, not as we justify ourselves to "feel." It's much easier to forgive others when we realize just how much forgiveness we need. Pray and then choose to forgive just as God chose to forgive us through Jesus. Forgiveness is different than compromise. We cannot compromise what God says about a subject in order to "love" someone. We love the person, and we can embrace a person but not embrace sin as acceptable. But first, we must get the plank out of our own eye. Once we choose to forgive by faith in the work of Jesus, now we have a right mind and heart toward the other person. If we need to talk this situation out, then the Holy Spirit will show us how to go about it in a spirit of love and will also show us the right timing. There are situations that are better left unspoken—when we have harbored something in our heart, we can deal with God alone. Then there are times we must go and talk through situations with others in a true spirit of humility and desire for reconciliation. We must hear how and when to do this from the Holy Spirit. Regardless of how other people may get offended or react in life, we can stay free from offense when we honor God and the people He made and loves. The Golden rule to “do unto others the way you would want them to do unto you” is still golden. Next time you are hurt (and there will be a next time) , don't take to social media to air your grievances. Take the following three simple steps instead: 1. Pray. 2. Forgive. 3. Develop a “Plan of communication and restoration.” ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ For more help with keeping your feelings in check, download Drenda's book, Better than You Feel.

Mark 6:5-6 tells us that Jesus couldn't do many works in His hometown. You might even remember that the Bible says it was because of their ‘lack of faith.’ But the problem wasn’t that the people in Jesus’ hometown didn’t believe God; it was that they didn’t honor Jesus. Jesus was too familiar. They knew his family. They thought they knew as much as He did. They didn’t value anything He was saying or doing. They told Him to prove himself. They didn’t honor Him. We’ll never be able to receive from someone that we don’t honor. Take the example of Elijah. During the time of famine, God sent Elijah to a widow in Zarephath for help. Why Zarephath? Wasn’t there a widow in Israel that could’ve fed Elijah? Apparently there was no widow in Israel that honored Elijah enough for God to be able to use her. But the widow in Zarephath did honor God and Elijah and, in turn, she received. Peter is another example. The guy had fished all night. You know he had to be tired. He was done for the day. They were cleaning their nets when Jesus told him to go back out. Peter honored Jesus. He obeyed, and he received. Can you imagine how different the story might have been if Peter had acted like we do today? Imagine Peter saying, “I’m sorry Jesus. I’m really worn out. This will have to wait until tomorrow. I’m going to get some rest.” Are you shaking your head? You should be. This is what has been happening for years in our country and in the church. We have thrown aside the culture of honor. The Bible says that "the wicked freely strut about unopposed when what is vile is honored among men." (Psalm 12:8) This is what is happening right now. The enemy has always tried to devalue and dishonor authorities. He uses gossip, slander, and offenses to gain influence in our culture. He has a heyday when people lose sight of what is true and what is honorable. We have to fight to reestablish a culture of honor—a place where integrity means something. Clearly just knowing that God has placed authorities in our lives to help us isn’t enough. We have more to do. But what? Well, in Romans 13:7, we see that God directs us to ‘render respect to whom respect is due, and honor to whom honor is due.’ So how do we do that? The first thing we need to do is understand the difference between respect and honor. Don’t mix them up. Respect is earned . Honor is given . We respect people for what they do . Honor, however, is a necessity—a requirement we give to an office, to a position. You may not respect a person, their beliefs, their ideas, or their expectations, but if they have authority, they deserve honor. When you honor something, you treat it as if it’s valuable. You esteem it. You look at it. You set it someplace safe. You lift it up above other things. It’s important to you. Honoring a person is no different. When you honor a person you serve them. You value them. You tend to the relationship. You encourage them. You elevate them. You esteem them. So "The Honor Code" is about more than leaving the right amount of money for the candy you took in the unattended box at the office. It’s about more than being trustworthy and honest. The Honor Code is about choosing to live your life to please God. It’s about realizing that you can’t receive from the people you aren’t willing to honor, and that God might just be trying to use those very same people to get something amazing to you. We have so much stuff and things that take our time that we don’t honestly know what to honor. Thank God He tells us, because in the end we’re going to stand before Him thinking we’ve done this great work and He might just ask— "How did you honor your kids ? Did you spend time with them? Did you honor your marriage ? Or did you look at pornography, make comments about people that weren't your spouse, or sit around watching movies where the people committed adultery? Did you honor your body ? Did you honor others as better than yourself? Or did you gossip and devalue others? Did you honor your father and mother?’ When it’s all said and done, will you be able to answer ‘Yes’ when God asks you, “Did you render honor to whom honor was due?”

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words,” but did you realize that was some of the best parenting advice you could ask for? It’s true! A mom called me distraught about her son. He had been out drinking, stopped attending church, and turned his back on God. Through tears, she said, “I don’t understand how this happened! We raised him in church! What did we do wrong? Why is this happening to us?” I comforted her and prayed with her for her son. But what happened with her son? She was right; they did attend church pretty regularly. That wasn't the problem. The problem was this woman and her husband said the right words on the weekend, but their ACTIONS preached a different message all week. Which do you think had a bigger impact on their son? Their son never saw them pursuing God or making Him a priority outside of Sunday morning. In fact, if sporting or social events came up, they were quick to take priority over church. From her son’s perspective, God was just an optional weekend activity. You can preach to your children every day about what they should or shouldn’t do, but the greatest influence on your children’s lives won’t be what they hear you SAY—it will be what they see you DO. “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” —Brennan Manning My daughter Kirsten used to work in preschool at our church on the weekends. When she got done, she would often tell me about the cute and funny things children said to her. One day, she told me about how she was serving in the three-year-old class with another teacher when a child became unmanageable. He was going into fits of rage, falling on the floor screaming, trying to hit other children, and stealing their toys. They called his parents back to get him. As they began to explain what happened to the parents, the father didn’t seem surprised or concerned at all. He not only made excuses for his son, but he gave him candy to make him happy! The mom, who hadn’t said a word, timidly spoke up. “Well, he is acting very disobedient...” Her husband started yelling, pointing his finger in his wife’s face, and told her not to talk about their son that way. He backed her into a corner, and continued to yell at her. The mother didn’t act as though any of it was an unusual occurrence. Suddenly, the little boy’s actions made complete sense to my daughter and the other teacher. He was only acting out the behavior he had seen modeled for him by his father. Children reflect their home lives. Your children don’t just need to hear you talking about God or what’s right and what’s wrong—they need to see an example of it in your life. I can be a bit of a talker. Whenever I had something I wanted to instill into my children, my first instinct was to verbalize it in a million different ways until they got the point. The thing is, our children don’t act out what they hear, they act out what they see! The best approach we can take in investing the right qualities into our children is to make sure we are modeling those qualities for them in ourselves. If you want to instill the importance of honoring God and being in community with other believers by attending church, you need to make church a priority over everything else on the weekends, including sporting or social events. If you want your children to have a relationship with God that extends beyond church on Sunday, then you need to model a relationship with God that extends beyond Sunday in your own life. If you want your children to spend less time on their phones, then you have to spend less time on your phone. Do you see the pattern? Kids reenact what they see , not what they hear . Of course, no one is a perfect parent. Thankfully, your children can learn from your mistakes as well. There were many times when I fell short when my children were growing up. But when I messed up, I had to make the decision to use my mistakes as a learning opportunity for my children, and then I had to make the effort to do better moving forward. Most importantly, your children need to see the evidence of God’s goodness in your life. They need to see your faith in action. When Kirsten was younger, I asked her why she served God. She told me, “Growing up, it worked all the time. We lived by God’s Word. We always prayed. We always saw God come through. And that’s how I grew up. I never expected anything else.” Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” If there’s something in your life communicating the wrong message to your children, today is the day to change it. Lead by example. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ In a world that has traded the ability to mentor children God’s way for a world of distractions and instant gratification, we need real answers to the struggles we face as parents. Get your copy of The New Vintage Family: A Vintage Look for the Modern-Day Family , and learn to use the four pillars of family to effectively communicate, and to fit the pieces of family mentorship, business, and home life together for success!